One Domino Falling
by Juggernauts
Summary: As the wedding planning all becomes too much for Bella, she begins to doubt and question. When things start to fall around her, what will eventuate from it? A slow building story. Rate M for lemons in later chapters. AU.
1. Lining Them Up

Alright, I need to run by some universe guidelines for ya'll. I suppose you could say this is set after Eclipse, except for one small change. Bella never agreed to wait for their wedding night to get intimate with Edward and he's still as uptight about the issue as he was before. Jacob is still missing too. I hope you all really enjoy this story; it's going to be a personal challenge for me to try and write a bit more subtly than I'm used to. Also, I was suffering withdrawal symptoms from not enough Bella/Jasper which is what this story will eventuate to. I don't own Twilight, poppits. I hope you all weren't stupid enough to think I did.

**This story is Bella's POV**

"Alice, that's going to leave a mark!"

"Well, maybe if you'd stop squirming I wouldn't accidentally stick you."

I snorted. Even if she couldn't predict my fidgety, squirming movements I knew all too well her lithe little fingers could easily avoid my skin should they wish. She was sticking me with pins on purpose.

"Sorry," I sighed, though I really wasn't.

"Most women would be _excited_ about getting fitted for their wedding dress, much less an original by Alice Cullen, wedding planner extraordinaire."

I couldn't help but laugh. For all her eccentricities Alice truly was the best sister I could have asked for. These past few weeks she had diligently been making her way down the list of things to do before my wedding and I couldn't have been more grateful. Alice had let me lie around and enjoy my time with Edward without having me so much as lift a finger yet I still found every excuse to complain about how stressful this whole wedding was.

"Quit tensing, Bella! If you don't want your boobs to look lopsided then hold still while I fix your sleeves!"

Alice had pulled up a small stool that she was now standing on so she could reach my shoulders. I couldn't help but shiver when her cool fingers grazed my skin through the lace. Her laugh tinkled in my ear and that alone allowed me to relax, even if for just a second.

My eyes roamed over her surrounding room.

I had been in here so many times before but never once stopped to take all the clutter in. Yes, if I was being honest I would say it was cluttered. I couldn't even tell what colour the walls were thanks to the copious amounts of posters adorning every available section of space. There were blueprints of the house and garden, sketches of dresses, magazine cut-outs of shoes, cakes and table settings. There was even a large pinup board with an array of fabric squares stuck into place with a large title printed on blue card pinned at the top which read, "_Possible Seat Cover Fabric_."

You'd never have guessed that a man also shared this room.

"Ok, Bella, we're all done for today."

I held my hands straight up in the air and bent forward so Alice could slide the garment off my body.

"Please, my dear sister, do not put on any weight. This fabric is not forgiving."

I laughed as I put my clothes back on, nearly tripping over my pant leg.

I left Alice to work on my dress and went to find Edward. I bounded down the stairs two at a time, my heart singing at the thought of him.

I found my fiancé in front of the television with his brothers. Emmett and Jasper were cross-legged on the floor, game controllers in hand with Edward lounging out on the love seat.

"Boxing?" It came out like a question, though I could clearly see the ring and the fighters on the enormous LCD.

"It's Emmett's latest obsession and Jasper couldn't resist the challenge."

He disappeared off the couch and I suddenly felt his cool breath from behind me. I leaned back into him, melting at his touch. I sighed as he leant down to kiss my ear, my neck and cheek.

"Hey, lovebirds! Take the mush somewhere else, huh? There is a brutal exchange of virtual testosterone going on here!"

"I don't think so, Emmett," Jasper laughed as he threw down his controller.

"What? Where are you going? No, we have to finish this!"

Jasper chuckled as he stood up, ignoring Emmett's whines, "I'm going to see my wife. No offence Bella, but I don't think I've spoken a word to Alice in two days because of her obsession over your wedding."

I giggled as Jasper left the room, headed for the stairs. I plopped myself down next to Emmett on the floor and picked up the discarded controller.

"At a girl," Emmett said, flashing me his cheesy grin.

After a few rounds of Emmett totally demolishing me in the virtual ring, the atmosphere of the room changed abruptly.

Edward, who had retaken his position on the couch, stiffened as Emmett reached over to the remote and turned the volume up to an almost speaker-busting level. I waited for someone to mention something, but no one did. Their faces just tightened and all three of us felt uncomfortable, though apparently it was only me who didn't know why. Minutes passed like this and the videogame just wasn't fun anymore. Emmett was trying to shout jeers at me over the speakers, but his usual carefree smile was now tight and forced.

I knew not to say anything.

So I sat there uncomfortably until Edward finally suggested we go out for a while.

"Sounds good," I smiled, feeling relieved that we would get out of the house and the unsettling cloud that was hanging over us.

"I'll catch you guys later, then," Emmett said, as he turned the Xbox off. Emmett's quick, meaningful look at Edward didn't escape my attention as we walked out the door.

We got in the Volvo and drove down the driveway, Edward's posture noticeably relaxing as we got further away from the house.

"Don't think I'm going to forget about what happened back there."

Edward turned to look at me sheepishly, "So you noticed, huh?"

"How could I have _not_ noticed? I've never felt more awkward."

Edward's face screwed up a bit and I knew he felt conflicted.

"You know you can tell me anything, Edward."

"I know that. I just don't know whether it's my place to tell you at all."

Edward's face continued to look torn as we drove out of Forks and sped into Port Angeles.

We pulled up into the car park of a cute little coffee shop and made our way inside. We were given the dinner menus by the hostess as it was starting to grow dark.

"I'll be back soon to get your order, would you like any drinks?" the woman battered her eyelashes at Edward and I felt my jaw tense up.

"Bella?" Edward cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Oh, um, just a chai latte thanks."

"Sure thing, Hun," the lady swished her hips as she walked away to the kitchen.

"A chai latte? Since when do you drink chai?"

"I'm not allowed to try new things?"

Edward chuckled, and then his face fell back into that screwed up, confused look.

The minutes passed in silence as my drink came over.

"Now what can I get you to eat, Hun?"

I wished she'd stop calling me that, "Just a chicken salad, thanks."

"Sure thing. What about you, darl?" she said as she rounded on Edward.

_Darl?_

"Nothing for me, thank you."

"Well, ok then."

She whisked the menus away as she swaggered off. Ugh, who _swaggers_ anyway?

Edward sighed into his hands, and I reached across the table to pull them away from his face, "Just tell me, Edward."

He gave me one last worried look before he gave up, "Alice and Jasper were fighting again."

"Again?" Since when did Alice and Jasper fight at all?

"Yes, they've been doing a bit of it lately."

"What are they fighting over?"

Edward took in a deep breath, "Our wedding."

I have to say, that stung. Why would they be fighting over our wedding? What could the supposedly happiest day of my life have done to make them fight?

"It's just, well you heard it yourself," Edward continued, "Jasper said he hadn't even spoken to Alice in two days because she's fussing over the wedding so much. It's putting a serious strain on their relationship."

I didn't even know what to say, so I just sipped on my chai latte. It was delicious and sweet, especially in comparison to the bitterness I was feeling at the moment.

"It's not your fault, love. It's not our fault. Jasper just… doesn't know what to do. He's been feeling all of your stress and worry. Usually when he feels overwhelmed by people's emotions he talks to Alice but then Alice is stressed and worried too."

"Well, what about today? I was feeling fine and Jasper looked happy enough when he went up to talk to Alice."

"Well, yes. But it's not all Jasper. Jasper just wanted to be with Alice and she kind of snapped at him. Something about sitting on seating a seating plan. They're just having a bit of a rough patch, love. They'll be fine."

I still wasn't convinced.

"Edward, I'm not hungry anymore. Could we please leave?"

He eyed me with concern, "Of course, Bella."

He put money down on the table and we left the coffee shop.

Driving back from the restaurant, we didn't speak much. I didn't know whether to feel guilty or sad or angry or whether I should even be concerned. All I knew was that my wedding was helping to destroy a relationship.

It wasn't until we pulled up into my driveway that we finally spoke.

"Bella, don't worry about it. They'll be fine, I promise. Look, I'll be back in a few hours when Charlie's gone to bed, ok?"

"Mmhmm."

He kissed my forehead gently, "I love you."

I told him I loved him too as I hoped out of the car. He waited until I was safely inside the house before he drove down the drive way and up the street. For once I felt relieved to not have Edward here, just so I could think.

"Hey, kiddo how was your day?"

"Yeah, dad, it was alright. I'm going up to my room, ok?"

"Sure thing, Bells."

As Charlie sat in his recliner, watching some college game, I remembered when I'd first come here. The few hours before I'd met Edward Cullen and my life had changed forever.

Yes, I was sad back then and my life had absolutely no meaning. I also didn't break up couples who I cared for deeply. Why was my very existence such a burden to everyone? Couldn't I just sail by in life, or death, without interfering?

I trudged up the stairs and straight into the bathroom. I undressed and turned the heat on high. I felt the piercing needles of water burn into my skin and in that strange way, it felt good. I washed my hair and body, hoping to alleviate the day's stress. I let the steam cloud my brain and I almost relaxed, until my mind started to wander.

The wedding was causing such a hassle to everyone; even me. I was beginning to think I should just call it off all together, so we could be happy again. Why couldn't my big day be a joyous occasion for everyone? Then everything would be different… But would it? I stopped to consider that even before I found out about Jasper and Alice today, the wedding was about to bust one of my brain cells from stress, even though I did barely anything in regards to planning it. Was I just using this Jasper/Alice thing to convince myself that I wasn't having second thoughts about the wedding?

My breathing got faster and my heart beat wildly. Was I really having second thoughts about marrying Edward? I was never really into the idea in the first place and it wasn't until Edward's coaxing that I finally agreed. I was getting cold feet.

If the hot water hadn't started to run out I probably would have stood there forever, lost in my own shock.

I quickly shut off the water and got out of the shower. I made my way to my room, changed in my pyjamas and collapsed onto the bed, sinking into the mattress. I didn't know what to do with my doubts, so I did what I do best; shoved my feelings in a little bottle, stuffing a cork in the top. I put on some music trying to drown out my thoughts as I waited for Edward to come back. I wanted him to cuddle me and for me to get lost in his scent, so he could remind me why I was marrying him.

After what felt like hours, I looked at the clock and realised that it _had_ been hours. It was almost 10 o'clock. I opened up _Wuthering Heights_ and lost myself in the story, trying to ignore the nagging feeling in my chest that something wasn't right.

After 200 pages I felt drowsy. My eyelids hung heavy and reading the words started to become difficult. I reached over to my lamp and turned off my light.

Edward never arrived that night.


	2. Cracks In The Surface

Not an overly long chapter, but I have insomnia and it 5:50am, still no sleep and I've got to get ready for school in an hour. So I figured I'd waste the night away writing because damnit I just couldn't sleep. So please excuse any errors if my brain stopped working during the wee hours of the morning. Enjoy, kids.

I had never had simple dreams. They were always muddled and confusing with underlying messages that left me scratching my head the morning afterward. Not tonight though. Tonight I dreamt of flying.

It was that straightforward. I had my arms stretched, my eyes closed and I was soaring through the air like a bird on the wind. Even while asleep, my conscious registered somewhere how great it felt. So when I woke up in the morning feeling like I'd had one of the best night's sleep in a long time, despite not having Edward with me, I was a surprised to say the least. I contributed it to the dream.

It was 11 o'clock according to my alarm. I didn't ever sleep in this late normally, so something was seriously up. Or was I just that tired?

I went through my morning routine of cleaning and dressing and made my way down to the kitchen. I threw two pop tarts into the toaster and wondered where Edward was. He'd never left me by myself unless it was some kind of emergency. I felt antsy to get over the Cullen's house so I could see what was wrong. It wasn't the Volturi, was it? More wedding drama? I had almost forgotten about my issues…

The toaster popped and I ate as I grabbed my things; car keys, phone, wallet. My old truck sat unused and underappreciated in my driveway. I'd hadn't needed to drive it in so long, since Edward always picked me up now, and it honestly felt good to be driving my own truck again. I had missed her.

My morning calm began to wear off as I got closer to the house. Each spin of the tires was like another nail in my chest, every one loaded with anxiety. My truck rumbled up the drive way and I pulled it into park. No one came out to greet me so I made my way to the door and let myself in. The family was there in the living room except Jasper, Alice, Edward and Carlisle.

"Oh, Bella please come sit. I'm sorry I should have gone and gotten you hours ago, but I figured you'd make your way over to the house eventually."

Esme had flittered off her seat and welcomed me with a hug.

I noticed Emmett and Rosalie's forlorn faces.

"What's going on? What did I miss?"

"Jasper took off," Rosalie said through gritted teeth. She wasn't happy about it, or about the situation that caused it. I didn't want to say anything; the guilt was overwhelming. So instead I let Esme lead me over to the couch and I sat with her, leaning against her arm.

I took it that Alice, Edward and Carlisle had gone after him and wherever he was, Jasper was sure making it difficult to bring him back. If Edward had left last night, then it had been about twelve hours since it happened. Why didn't Edward call me though? Tell me where he was? At least Alice might have told me she was leaving, if not only to reschedule whatever wedding thing she had planned today.

But then Alice descended down the stairs, dancing in that graceful way she often does.

"Alice! What… why are you here?"

She had a notebook in her hand, with a pen stuck behind her tiny ear. Her eyebrows lifted inquisitively, as if I had just asked a rather obvious question.

"Why wouldn't I be here?"

"Maybe because your husband is out missing?"

Alice's laugh chimed like bells in the vast room, "Oh, Bella dearest, he's not missing. He's just left for a while. He'll come back later today, don't worry; I've seen it."

I didn't know whether to be relieved or annoyed and judging by Rosalie's expression she was clearly the latter.

I then quickly decided it was none of my business, I wouldn't pry where I wasn't needed. So I sat back and waited for the day to pass by. While we waited Alice asked my opinion about wedding stuff; frosting, seat bows, the ratio of twinkling fairy lights to non twinkling fairy lights. I didn't really care.

I was beginning to miss Edward and wanted him to return home. I wondered if he would tell me what was happening when he got back. Sure, I said I wouldn't pry, but if Edward wanted to _tell_ me well… who was I to say no?

It was around three when Emmett looked up from the television, his expression perking as he faced the window.

I listened closely and heard the engine of two cars. I peeked out the window and saw Carlisle's Mercedes and another one I hadn't seen before. It was a big, black truck. Nothing too flashy but it still looked expensive; even classifying it as a truck when it parked next to my beaten up red Chevy seemed a bit strange.

"Finally," Alice said as she rolled her eyes next to me on the couch, notebook still open as she continued to scribble down things for the wedding.

I watched as Jasper gracefully jumped out of the driver's side of the truck. Edward slid out of the passenger door and looked terribly worried. I wanted to run to him but knew that now was not the time loving public displays of affection. Because when Jasper walked through the front door, he just looked so sad.

He stared at Alice, waiting for her to say something. All she did was stand and go up the stairs to their room.

Jasper followed.

Making a scene wasn't their style.

Once they were out of sight I rushed over to the door, where Edward was now waiting for me with his arms outstretched.

"Oh, thank God," he sighed into my hair, "I'm sorry."

"It's ok, you don't have to explain. I understand."

Edward broke our embrace and took my hand, "Do you want to go to our meadow?"

As if I would ever say no to that.

----

The car ride over was silent thanks to my new 'no prying' rule and Edward carried me quick as possible through the meadow's surrounding forest.

For once, the meadow didn't look as amazing as it usually did.

What I used to describe as lush green field was now just grass. The many wildflowers that I used to see as a rainbow on earth were now just plants. The sun was hiding behind the clouds so Edward didn't even sparkle.

Something was off.

Apparently Edward didn't notice, because he just kept on beaming down at me with his half crooked smile that usually drove me crazy. And even amongst all the uncertainty I felt, _that_ at least was still the same.

My pulse quickened a little and I felt my abdomen tingle a little as I stared into his honey coloured eyes. Edward leant down and placed the sweetest kiss on my lips, stroking his hand up my arm.

But much like the meadow, it didn't seem as spectacular as it usually did. I wanted more.

I gently pushed on Edward's shoulders and he obliged, lying down on his back with me on top. I kissed his lips so lightly at first, playing it careful. I felt his tight grasp on my hips and I knew was already a little uncomfortable. Our lips brushed against each other and my hips started to subconsciously gyrate into him. He pushed me off immediately.

Neither of us said anything. We didn't have to. We'd rehashed it too many times for there to be a new argument from either of us. So we just sat there on the ground doing nothing while I felt my eyes sting with tears and my pulse beat louder and my brain began to hurt from thinking about how much fucking time we spent not saying anything to each other.

Edward reached over and rubbed my back through my shirt and I wanted to shrug him off, but Lord knows I didn't have the strength to push him away. He was my life and I couldn't just throw that out the window with one careless moment of frustration.

I don't know how long we sat there with him perfectly still and tight lipped, I bleary eyed and puffy faced. I didn't sob but rather let the tears fall freely from my face. I knew he thought it was for the best, that he was protecting me. But Edward didn't always know best and we'd been over it time and time again; that I didn't understand, that I didn't 'get it.'

It was his own fault that I didn't get it. I hated being left out of the loop and I hated when Edward didn't tell me things and I especially hated when he fucking rubbed my back like he was right now because it was actually making me feel bad about being so angry.

"What happened with Jasper?"

Screw not prying. I don't know why I blurted it out but I wanted him to tell me. I probably wanted to see if he would, because I would tell him everything in the world if he asked me to.

The question took Edward by surprise.

"Oh, um, nothing much, love. He and Alice just got into another argument. You don't need to worry. It'll all work out."

"How do I know that, Edward?"

Edward titled his head to the side, confused, "Know what?"

"That everything will all work out."

He stared at me blankly for a second, "Bella, what is this all about?"

"It's about you thinking you're so much better than me all the time!"

I shot my hand up to my mouth and covered it immediately. Had I really just blurted that out?

Apparently I had, because he stared at me like I'd just slapped him in the face.

"E-E-Edward, I'm so sor-"

"No, it's ok."

"But, Edw-"

"I said it's fine."

He stood up, his eyes now all steely and hard. He extended his hand to me and I took it, pulling myself off the ground.

Once I was standing, I let go; it just felt wrong touching him after that.

Instead of carrying me, he walked slowly back to the Volvo with me, matching my snail's pace. We only ever touched when he had to catch me when I fell over, but I didn't even trip much. I supposed my balance was a lot more stable than my mental state.

I tried not to think about it as we drove home; how we sat there still not saying a word to each other. I finally understood the phrase, '_silence is deafening_.'

Because although there was nothing, that's all I could here lately.

Finally, Edward spoke.

"Did you want to go to my house, or did you want to go to yours?"

I been with Edward long enough to know what would happen should I chose either option.

If I said his house, we would go up to his room, it would be awkward and we'd talk, fight and then be interrupted by one of his family members. The issue wouldn't be mentioned again after that.

Should I get him to drop me home then it would be cutting all the middle out and going straight to it never being mentioned again once he drove down the driveway. I settled for a third option.

"I'd like to go to my house, please. I want you come in with me though."

Edward nodded.

We both knew that there wouldn't be any distractions, just us.

I only hoped that he'd open up.

See the button there? Yeah, that one. Click it and review. Because I've been up all night writing this mothalicka.


	3. Breaking The Silence

I was planning on uploading this a few days ago, but I'm sure we all experienced FF's little site glitch. I couldn't upload new chapters and it was really starting to piss me off before I realised it was happening to a few people. I know you're all getting a bit antsy for some Jasper and I totally agree; I cannot _wait _to start writing him! He's by far my favourite character. You have to understand though that I'm trying to tie up all the loose ends before I jump into that plot line. There's only one more chapter after this before I will start the Bella/Jasper arc so just be patient. Think of how much sweeter it will be once we get there! Please review and let me know what you think, preferably specific parts or lines that stood out to you because I know how many people have added this to their story alert and if they just reviewed as well… then maybe I might churn chapters out quicker? Ha-ha but seriously, I'm super nervous about this chapter and I hope it's somewhat believable, even though this is an AU story.

I closed the door to my room and refused to turn around. I had to compose myself first and yet I didn't even know what we were going to discuss. All I knew was that this was going to be it; when we were going to put all our cards on the table. Despite my growing nerves, I told myself we needed to do this. We needed to be honest and talk if we were going to move forward, and I'm not sure I could move at all if this didn't happen.

"Bella?"

I turned around to see Edward sitting on the bed, him having come up through my window so as to not make Charlie suspicious. He had a look of caution on his face and after our little episode in the meadow, I didn't blame him. He seemed like he knew something was coming that he wasn't entirely ready to deal with. We had to though, for the sake of _us_.

"Edward…" I didn't know where to start, so I went and sat down next to him on the bed and composed my thoughts. Anything and everything that was bothering I put into a mental list and we were going to tackle each one individually, no matter how long it took.

"You know we need to talk about… stuff, right?"

He nodded slowly, his intense eye contact too much for me. I looked into my lap as I spoke.

"It's just that there are some things that I don't think I can keep to myself because they're putting a strain on us and well…"

I took a shaky breath.

"I've been doing some thinking… some self-reflecting and it's just that, I don't think that I…"

I couldn't say it, I just couldn't! How could I break his heart like this? All he wanted was to marry me and for me to be his and he to be mine and what was so wrong with that?

It was wrong because it just wasn't right. Or so my heart told me, anyway.

I decided to take the plunge and say it. I uncorked that little bottle from last night and let it loose, ready for the contents to splash and stain where they may.

"I don't think that I can marry you, Edward."

I kept my head down, closing my eyes and the silence that followed was excruciating.

I waited for him to say something, anything, but he didn't make a sound.

I opened my eyes, trying to see if I could get a peak at his face to judge what he was thinking.

No such luck; Edward had gone.

He hadn't even stayed to hear me out and as I looked at my curtain flapping in the wind of the open window, I think I literally felt my heart shatter.

It wasn't like in the woods when he left and I felt numb and cold. This was a pain that resonated throughout my chest, burning hot white and thudding painfully into my ribcage.

I thought I was having a heart attack.

But I found that when the first enormous sob broke through, the scorching pain cooled just a little, as I felt the feeling of my heart sinking into the bottom of a chest.

My great plan of talking everything through and getting it all out had failed abysmally. He hadn't stuck around to even find out half the reasoning behind my revelation, vanishing without as much as a single word.

I threw myself down on my stomach and sobbed hard into a pillow. I didn't even really know what I was sobbing for, after all, hadn't it just been me that dropped the bombshell of a lifetime on the supposed love of my life?

I didn't have the right to cry but I just didn't care. I cried myself dry until it hurt to breathe or even move. The cries wracked my body and my chest continually slammed into the mattress as it heaved violently. I was making noises that I wasn't even sure I could make; horrific howls and half coughed screams. It was not pretty. It was an ugly, brutal and gut wrenchingly honest expression of every feeling I had ever had about Edward Cullen.

I cried well into the night, Charlie only coming to check on me once, oblivious to the actual situation, "You know I'm here for you, Bella but I've got to run over to Billy's, alright? Whatever it is, I promise you things will look better in the morning."

And he seemed to truly believe that. Eventually I fell into a restless asleep, dreaming of locked cages and lost keys.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt ten types of awful. I could feel my pounding heart in my head and a ringing coming from somewhere inside my ears. If I had ever been drunk, I knew this would have been what a hangover felt like. So when I opened my eyes and saw Edward sitting in my rocking chair, I wasn't sure what to think.

"Bella?"

His face looked sad, confused and even a little scared. Scared of what, I didn't know.

"Edward…"

We just stared at each other, until I finally broke the silence that constantly lingered between us.

"You left last night, why?"

Edward hung his head low, "Yes, I know I did and for that, I am sorry. I should have stayed with you and let you explain. I know you wanted to talk and I just left you here by yourself. I also know that we have some things to talk about and I'd like to spend today discussing them with you, if you don't mind."

He said it all very formally but it felt sincere and from the heart. I suspected he'd been talking to Alice.

"Ok, Edward, you start this time."

Edward took in a deep breath and said all too quickly as he exhaled, "Why don't you want to marry me anymore?"

I needed to think things through before I answered him. I didn't want to go blabbing the first thing that came to my mind because I'd probably just upset him, and myself, again.

"Well," I chewed my answer over slowly, trying to find the most delicate, yet straightforward way to put it, "to be honest, Edward, you knew I didn't really want to get married in the first place."

Edward looked up at me and we held eye contact. He knew this was true; it was there in his eyes. I could see his mind running through all the possibilities of what I could possibly say next.

"It's not that I don't love you, Edward because I do. You know I do. It's just that, this whole wedding thing has put a lot of things into perspective for me such as the fact that I simply do not want to get married. I know I said that I was fine with it, but I think I was just deluding myself into thinking I wanted something when I really didn't. I love you, Edward but I think I need to just step back a bit and take a moment to breath."

We still held each other's eyes as it was his turn to speak, "I knew that you had reservations about all this and that you should wait before rushing into things with me. I told you this constantly and yet I still proposed. If I'm being honest with myself, I think it was my way of trying to ensure you stayed mine, without resorting to changing you."

"Were you even planning on not changing me after we were married?"

"I would have done it eventually but I planned to hold you off as long as possible. I wouldn't have submitted quietly, Bella, despite my promise."

"You were never one to keep promises…" and I knew it was harsh but it had to be said.

He nodded slowly, resigned on that issue.

I noticed the way we were talking to each other, as if we were past lovers who met up years later, reflecting on what could have been. It was like we weren't even together. And even though I knew it was wrong, I found that the thought of not being with Edward didn't upset me as it should have. After last night, when I poured my heart and soul into my tears, it was like I was washing away every wound and licking them clean. I felt refreshed and rejuvenated, despite my hideous headache. I felt like a new person, a phoenix raised from his own burnt ashes. It was a strange feeling, and I didn't quite know how to tell Edward this. That perhaps he just wasn't my life anymore?

"Edward, am I your life?"

"Of course, Bella; you are my reason to exist."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? You're my life because you give me purpose."

I sat and contemplated that, holding one single finger in the air to tell Edward to wait a minute while I thought things through.

Should I have been Edward's only reason to exist? And more importantly, should he have been mine?

Surely you had to know who you were before you gave yourself over to someone to keep? What use was someone else having you if you didn't even know what you was?

What did I really know about myself? Edward always told me I was selfless and forgiving and beautiful… but that was Edward. My life in Arizona had been too sheltered for me to have any real experiences to prove my character. And with Edward, despite what he said, all I did was cause trouble and feel guilty about it later. That wasn't character; that was weak. After everything I'd been through with Edward, I had nothing to show for it except Edward himself.

Not that that wasn't fantastic… I just didn't know that Edward was enough anymore. I wanted to see myself for who I was, not through the eyes of a lover. I had to try and make Edward see this.

"Edward, who are you?"

He looked at me blankly, "What do you mean?"

"I mean who are you as a person? Do you really know?"

"I know that no matter what lies inside of me, it doesn't deserve even half of you."

This was getting ridiculous.

"You said a while back, that I could have you in any capacity that I wanted, yes?"

"Ye-yes, Bella…" Edward's brow creased and looked worried.

"Well, do you think that for now, just for a little while, we could be friends; just friends?"

"If, if that's what you…" He didn't understand; I could see the confusion on his face.

"Wait, let me explain, please! Edward, I have no idea who I am. I know that I love Jane Austen books and that I can cook a great lasagne but what does that matter? I'm so naïve and I don't want to let my ignorance shape me as a person. I want to experience things that I haven't even thought of yet and find out who Bella Swan really is. You were right, Edward. There are experiences that I haven't had yet and I'm just not ready to give them up. I want to do everything."

"You just… you don't want to do them when you're with me?"

I felt bad for saying it, "Yes, Edward. I can't let someone who thinks of me as highly as you do cloud my judgement of myself. So do you think that, we could just put everything on hiatus? The wedding, us, everything?"

"I suppose it's only fair, I've been saying this from the start. You're not ready."

"No, I'm not. But I don't think you are either, Edward. You've done and seen so much but I still don't think you know yourself. Your whole perception of yourself is so negative. I think we should both take this time to grow and then maybe we'll be ready to be together forever, be it as lovers or friends. But right now, I just don't think we are what we think we are."

His face was resigned. He couldn't argue with what he'd been telling me for months, that I wasn't ready. In spite of what I told him about the possibility of us being together again, the way I felt right now, I didn't think I'd ever feel about Edward the same way as when I first met him or even two days ago. It had been there these past few months, this niggling feeling slowly clawing at my insides. It just wasn't until now that I figured out what it was. And now that I had, I felt lighter and freer.

"So, what are you going to be doing in terms of… ah…?" Edward was trying to hide the pain in his voice but it kept coming through. I could see why this was an issue for him; sex was the one thing that Edward could not provide me with and refused to negotiate.

"Edward, I don't have any immediate plans to go out and sleep with anybody, if that's what you're implying. But like I said, I've got a lot of searching to do, and I don't want to shut off any possibilities, ok? I know this is hard for you and I'm so sorry, but know that I do love you. I always will."

I gave him a tender smile and kissed his cheek. I felt tears begin to build up and I was thankful for when Edward stood up then.

"It's ok, my Bella," he smiled down at me sweetly but I could still see the hurt in his eyes, "you know my arms are always open for you and please come by the house when you're ready, I'm sure Alice will want to talk to you."

He kissed the top of my head and disappeared before my eyes, leaving the curtain blowing perhaps for the last time in his wake.

I felt awful, but I felt good. I knew that Edward wasn't even half as ok about the situation as he was letting on, but I was grateful that he cared enough about me to put on the façade. I looked down at the wedding ring on my finger and it suddenly didn't feel like mine at all. I suppose it wasn't now. I took it off and placed it in the top draw of my bedside dresser. Maybe I'd get round to returning it; it didn't feel right to keep it. But I would give it back when I felt I could handle it, because I wasn't quite ready for that mark of finalisation yet.

I didn't feel like I had to tell him about his controlling nature, or the sex issue or the patronising way he sometimes spoke to me. He didn't need to hear that too. Besides, if that was how we ended it, on all the bad things that happened instead of remembering the good… I just couldn't do that Edward. He was and forever will be, my first real love.

I realised I had the whole day ahead of me and decided to get started on this 'new Bella.' I was going to give myself a new look, a fresher look. I wasn't out to reinvent myself by any means, but I felt that to start a new chapter of self discovery, I might as well invest in a new look too. I showered and dressed and enjoyed a nice leisurely breakfast of pancakes and juice. As I was washing my dishes, ready to grab my wallet and keys to go the hair dresser, I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up.

He had been out all night? Where did he say he was going again? I hoped nothing was wrong.

When I looked out the window I could see nothing was wrong on Charlie's bright, red face. He was glowing with a joy I rarely saw on him and it was so refreshing to see my father happy.

He bounded through the door and enveloped me a giant bear hug that could rival Emmett's.

"Hey, dad, you're going to bust one of my internal organs squeezing that tight!"

"Oh, Bells, you'll never guess what's happened!"

He looked at me expectantly.

"Uh… you're going to the Super Bowl?"

He shook his head wildly, looking like a ten year old boy, "No! Jake's back!"

Soooo, what did we all think of the breakup? I'm unsure of this chapter, because although I really love it I don't know whether or not it's believable for you guys. Did you follow Bella's thought process to how she made the decision? It wasn't too 'thinking one thing then says something else out of nowhere,' a la Bella tells Edward she knows about his mind reading, was it? I really wanted to right a big 'F you' speech where she gave Edward a serve for all his crap and she got all feminist rambler, but I just didn't think it was plausible. Not that them breaking is plausible in the first place but… well I wanted to make it as believable as possible. You can all probably guess what loose end the next chapter will tie up and I'm really looking forward to writing Jake. And then after that, we are Jasper bound my friends! Good Lord there is a lot of Author's notes in this chapter… I'll try to cut back lol. R&R =D


	4. Car Conversations

Relish in this chapter why you've got it, kids because it'll probably be the last for a week or two. I'm in my senior year and this term is finishing fast. Basically I've got 5 assignments due by Friday and I'm not as far ahead in them as I should be. I need to devote all my time to my school work for this week and can't write anymore on the story until it's all finished. I have started writing the next chapter so don't worry; the story won't be abandoned. Thanks for all the love.

To say I was shocked would be a major understatement.

I could hardly believe my ears.

"Wha-what? Are you serious?" I spluttered.

All Charlie did was nod his head fervently at me, the smile splitting his cheeks in half.

"So are you gonna go see him or not, Bella?"

I barely got out my answer before Charlie was pushing me out the door, shoving my keys in my hands and grabbing my jacket and phone.

"Go on, have a great time with Jacob! Stay as long as you like! Oh and Bells," he turned me so I facing him, a sudden very serious look on his face, "whatever happened last night… know I love you, kid."

"Thanks, dad. It's ok though, I'm over it."

He gently knocked my chin with his fist in a kind of, 'keep your head up' type gesture. So I kissed him on his cheek and left for Jake's house.

I couldn't even get a hold on my mind; it was running wild.

Where had been? What had happened? Why had he come back?

And most important, was he going to talk to me?

In the midst of all these thoughts, I remembered that Alice would have a fit if she couldn't see my future right after I called it off with Edward. I grabbed my phone off the dashboard and sent a quick text to Alice.

'_Jacobs back – be in La Push._'

I pressed send and immediately my phone buzzed before the message had even left my outbox.

'_Glad you could at least warn me about that, sis. Love Al_.'

She was still calling me a sister.

I pushed my truck to its limits as it huffed and puffed its way down the damp roads. My face was smiling, I knew that much. But whether or not it would still be there when I drove home was another issue entirely. I decided to stop thinking and just hope for the best.

Jake wouldn't have come back if he'd not been willing to see me, would he?

As I crossed the boundaries over into La Push I felt all warm inside. It'd been far too long since I came down here and I missed the place's humble charm.

I drove straight to the Black's house without ever second guessing the turns I was taking because I knew the roads here so well. I was gravitating toward my sun.

I pulled into the driveway and I knew that by now Jacob had to have heard my truck's rumbling. He hadn't come out to greet me, so I was sceptical, but still trying to be optimistic.

I took one last deep breath before I got out of my car and strode to the front door. I was giddy with excitement and expectation and I probably knocked a little louder than necessary.

I waited a few seconds and listened to the movement behind the door. There was murmuring and finally I heard footsteps that were directing towards the door. I waited to see who would open it and was a bit surprised when I saw that it was Paul who greeted me.

"Bella," he nodded his head.

"Um, hi, Paul," Paul always made me nervous; he intimidating demeanour never failing to make me stutter or ramble, "I heard Jacob's back."

"He is…"

He just looked down at me, glaring.

"Uh, can I see him?"

"I don't think…"

"You're right, you don't think! Just let her in, Paul!"

That was Jacob's voice calling from inside the house. And he wanted to see me. My heart swelled just a little bit.

"But she stinks like leach."

"Just let her in!"

Paul sighed and stepped aside to let me in the door. The smell of the house was warm and friendly and just as I remembered it.

I walked into the small living room and seeing all those wolf boys crammed into that tiny space would have been funny on any other occasion, but in the middle of the large pack sat Jacob – my Jacob – and Billy in his wheelchair.

"Jacob…"

I didn't know what else to say. He looked exactly the same if not a touch bigger if that were even possible. I just decided to go with what I felt, and I felt like running into his arms and hugging him as tight as I could.

So that's exactly what I did.

In a few short steps I was across the room and I flung my arms around Jacob, relishing in the warmth of his skin. I felt him tentatively put his arms around my waist, eventually tightening around me till he squeezed as hard as I did. The room was quiet and it wasn't until my ribs started to hurt that I pulled away.

"Hey, Bells."

I smiled down at him and he smiled up at me, though his face was tight lipped and strained.

It started to get a little awkward when no one said anything so I asked the most obvious question I could think of, "What the hell is wrong with you, Jacob Black?"

He laughed, although it didn't sound out of humour but rather some strange irony.

"A lot. Listen, Bells, do you want to go for a drive?"

"Jacob, for God's sake don't! If yo-"

"Paul, shut up. Come on, Bells."

He grabbed my hand like nothing had ever happened and led me out of the room. All the staring was beginning to make me feel self-conscious anyway. We walked out to his car and the Rabbit looked as good as ever, like it hadn't been abandoned for weeks and weeks. We got in and Jake pulled out onto the road, I suspected heading towards the beach. We said nothing and I feared another Edward-like episode. I should've known Jake better than to expect he'd to stay quite.

"It's good to see you away from your crypt for once."

"Ouch, Jake; real mature."

"Well what did you expect me to say? I'm so pleased to see you?"

"Well it would've been nice! Nicer than insulting me for no reason!"

"Oh, so we're back to this again, are we? Bella, you are going to marry a vampire! He's not good for you and I can't believe you're even going through with this absurd idea for God's sake! I mean come on, Bella; you're not ready for marriage! You're eighteen for crying out loud! I can't let yo-"

"Hello! Earth to Jake? Why don't you let me explain some things before we get all dramatic and jumping to conclusions?" I waved my ringless finger up in his face as his eyes tried to register what he was seeing.

"You're not… wait, I thought you were…"

"Yes, I was. Not anymore though. I called it off; Edward and I are no longer together."

I didn't think anything could shock Jacob Black but apparently, this did. He just stared ahead out the windscreen and pulled up into the beach's car park. We remained sitting in the car.

"So, you're not with the bloodsucker anymore?"

"I'm not with _Edward_, Jake. Just because we aren't a couple anymore doesn't mean you can go throwing around derogatory terms like that. They're all still very important to me."

"When did this all happen?"

"Well, I've been feeling it for a while now, ever since this whole wedding business first took off. But officially it was only called off this morning."

"Why'd you call it off?" He asked this question so offhandedly, but I could sense the eagerness behind it. I knew what conclusion he was jumping to because I could see the half grin on his face but I couldn't let him get his hopes up.

"It wasn't because of you, Jacob or anyone really. It was just me. I wasn't ready to get married and I wasn't ready to spend eternity with Edward."

"Bet he loved that."

"He took it far better than you've been known to take bad news; he was very understanding."

"Yeah, I'll bet."

"At least he didn't run off never to be heard from for weeks at a time."

Jacob hung his head a little, "Well, I was upset, Bella. You don't know what it was like to get that invitation in the mail; it just hurt. After you said you loved me and after everything we went through, you just had to go and rub it in my face."

"Jake, I didn't even know Edward sent that invitation!"

"It didn't matter. I was still hurt and just needed to be by myself."

"How did you even survive out there is the woods? I was so worried, Jake."

"Oh, please! I bet with all that wedding garbage going on you didn't even stop to think about me."

"So you think I didn't care that you left?"

"That's not what I said."

"Then what, Jake?"

"I mean I've always best second best to Cullen and it wouldn't surprise me if you spent more time thinking about him than me."

I couldn't argue with him there. In the last week alone I hadn't even spared a thought for Jacob, only thinking about my own problems with the wedding.

"You're right, but I did still care that you were missing. You're my sun, Jacob Black and I really could have used your warmth over the past few weeks."

Jake gave a half smile and got out of the car. I took his massive hand and we walked along the beach, each relaying our stories to the other about the past few months.

It turns out Jacob had been through pretty much the entirety of the northern part of America. He had run his way over the border, through Canada and even spent some time in Alaska. I was amazed if not a little grossed out to hear about his rugged lifestyle, sleeping in caves and chowing down on polar bears and whatever other big game they had up there.

"I never ate another wolf though; it'd be like eating a brother."

He said he had tried to block out the thoughts of his other pack members who had been trying endlessly to get him to come home. It was incredible at how far the whole mind connection thing worked. Jake tried to explain to me how the wolf instincts took over after a certain point and emotions became less and less familiar to him as the weeks went on. I couldn't understand it though; I supposed it was something only another shape shifter would truly get.

"To be honest, I'm just trying to get back into the habit of wearing pants," he laughed.

I laughed along with him, but sobered up once the topic turned to my time spent without Jacob.

I spoke to him about how it just didn't feel right, that I couldn't see myself in a future with Edward anymore. I was very careful not to bring up any of Edward's control issues; I didn't want to give Jake even more of an excuse to dislike him. Once my story had run dry, I told him about my plans for the future. How I wanted to travel and experience things that I never done before. I even considered asking Jake to come along on my journey with me but soon realised he never could. He was tied to the pack and his responsibility was to protect La Push, not galloping around the world trying to find new methods of self discovery.

It started to get dark and I realised we had been sitting on a log for hours, just talking. He hadn't acted like Sam's Jake, but my Jake and I was so happy to have him back in my life. We headed back to the car and I was thankful for my personal space heater in the chilly twilight.

As he started the car and pulled out onto the road, I realised there was one topic we hadn't broached yet, "Jake, why did you come back?"

He sighed, sounding a little defeated as he drove back to his house, "This is my home, Bella. It may be infuriating to have to put up with all this wolf stuff but really, I do it because I want to. I mean I can leave at any time; nothing's stopping me from just running away again. But even out there by myself, with the world at my disposal, I couldn't escape my brother's, and Leah's, pleas for me to come back. I left because I thought you didn't love me and I came back because I realised that they do."

We pulled up outside his house and hugged in the car. I was glad Jacob was home and I hoped he would find his soul mate one day.

"It's been good seeing you, Bells. Come back soon, ok?"

"Most definitely, Jake," I released the hug and hopped out of the Rabbit, getting into my own vintage car. As I pulled away, Jacob waved his long arm at me and continued to do so before I rounded the corner. It was only just six o'clock so I still had the whole night ahead of me. I knew where I wanted to go, but I had some things to take care of first.

I pulled up into my own driveway and headed for the kitchen. I dished up Charlie some leftovers and put it in the microwave with a note stuck to the fridge telling him where I'd be. I then went upstairs and got into the shower; I didn't think the Cullen's would appreciate me turning up smelling like dog.

In the shower, I thought of what I was going to say to them. Surely Edward had told them all what had happened by now, I knew Alice was aware of it. So would they be a little hostile? Would they pretend like nothing happened and we'd just skirt around the issue? I didn't know.

After my shower I fixed my still normal hair and decided something really had to be done with it; it was just so boring and plain. I wrapped myself up in a big fluffy towel and walked into my room, only to see Alice sitting there with an overnight bag in her tiny hands, packed and ready.

"You're staying over tonight; I've already called Charlie. And yes, Bella, tomorrow we are definitely going to do something with that hair of yours."

I ran up and hugged her, happy when she reciprocated the gesture.

"Bella, you may not be with Edward anymore but you'll always be my sister. The rest of the family feels the same way. You are a Cullen as long as you want to be."

We hugged for a little longer and I felt the relief wash over me; they all still wanted me.

"Enough of this sisterly affection, get dressed in this," she tossed some clothes at me, "and I'll meet you down in the Porsche in ten minutes."

She kissed my cheek and waltzed out of the room, my heavy looking overnight bag being held onto with just one finger.

I dressed in the simple skinny jeans and tank top she had picked for me and walked out to Alice's car, feeling happier than I had in a long while.

"Wow, Jasper is certainly going to like you tonight; you're positively beaming," she said as I got into her car.

"So… you and Jasper are… ok, then?"

I felt intrusive for asking but I was just so curious. Alice looked longingly out the window for a moment, before pulling out of my driveway.

"Bella, I suppose it's only fair you know too. Everyone else does in the family and you are a Cullen; it's not your fault you don't have bat hearing."

She suddenly took a turn that didn't lead toward her house but rather to out of town. Alice sped up a road that went to the top of the local lookout. She put the car in park, facing the magnificent view of the local area as she sighed.

"You and Edward aren't the only couple that's been having issues, Bella."

I'm sooo sorry to leave you on a cliffy like that haha. Especially because the next chapter won't be up for a while. Don't worry though; I've already started the next chapter so it might be up mid next week sometime. Please review this story; it'll make my day =D


	5. Explanations

I am back! And I'll have you all know my exams/assignments went swimmingly and I now have two weeks of spring holidays to look forward to. I'd like to say expect a lot of updates but I do have a social life, people. Anyway, this chapter just did not want to be written and eventually I had to scrap a lot of the beginning I'd written and start again. Once I got going though it all came flooding back to me. Not to keep you much longer but if you don't know what a McDonald's playground looks like a) I pity you and b) go look it up on Google images. It's those big colourful plastic one; those windy, tunnelled ones with little plastic port holes and shit. Those fun fuckers. Anyway, it's important for this chapter that you know what they are. Well it's not important perse, but rather it would help your visuals and imagination understand better is all. Anyway, enjoy this extra long chapter!

The statement wasn't surprising; clearly there was trouble in paradise, "I don't understand though. You and Jasper are made for each other."

Alice sighed, her little lungs producing barely a sound, "We _aren't _made for each other, Bella. I used to think our differences balanced us; stabilising the relationship. But it's just not working anymore. After all these decades of just being different and loving our dissimilarities… I don't know what happened."

"But shouldn't you have seen this? What about your visions?"

"Oh, Bella…" If Alice could have cried, the look on her face said there would be tears streaming down her cheeks right then, "I don't know why… I don't know what's happening to us all."

Alice's voice croaked on the last few words and her tiny frame started to shake with dry sobs. I leant over and squeezed her tight, hoping to keep her little body from falling apart. We stayed like that for a while; just me holding and hugging her and she quivering with her tearless cries.

That's what sisters were for, right?

It wasn't until the clock on the dashboard read eight thirty that Alice spoke again, "You know I love you, right, Bella?"

"Of course, and I love you."

"Do you really?"

"Wha- of course I do. How could you even ask me that, Alice?"

She sniffled for one last time, though she had no real reason to, "Well, come on! We shouldn't have driven out here and kept everyone waiting. The family is so excited to have you come over; they've missed you terribly."

I couldn't help but marvel at how quickly Alice turned her chirpy persona back on; I supposed it was all part of being a Cullen. And despite Alice's mini-breakdown, I was still excited too. I loved going to the Cullen house; it felt like home to me.

The eagerness I'd had when I first got in the car was quickly returning and as Alice pulled back out onto the road, it was like the past hour and a half hadn't even happened.

I wasn't going to worry about Alice; she and Jasper would figure it all out. Plus, if Alice wanted to tell me the whole story then she would have. Clearly she wasn't ready to share everything yet.

I looked over at my sister and wondered if she ever would tell me everything. The things she must see would equal if not succeed the amount of things Edward heard. I could only imagine the burden it was to her, despite her insistence that she loved her gift.

We rode in a comfortable silence all the way to the big, white house on the outskirts of town, pulling up in the driveway in front of the entrance.

It was barely half a second after Alice turned off the engine that I was suddenly out of the car and being squished into a huge, familiar chest.

"Emmett, let GO!"

I started banging my hands on his chest, flailing them around as his grip tightened around my waist. He just laughed openly, continuing the hug me. I knew he could crush me if he wished, and it was times like these that really showed how much trust I put in my supernatural family.

"Oh for God's sake, Emmett, put her down!"

I turned my head and Emmett's grip loosed a bit.

Rosalie was standing in the doorway of the entrance, arms folded and leaning against the doorframe. She wasn't scowling though, like her tone had suggested. She was smiling at me rather fondly, as if I were a small child she found amusing. Her skin seemed to dimly glow ethereal silver; she even shone at night time.

"Uh… h-hi, Rosalie, how are you?"

She let out a short laugh, her voice ringing sweeter than heaven's angels, "I'm fine, Bella. Emmett, quick acting like a buffoon for once and bring her inside; she'll catch a cold or something."

She pushed herself off the door and went back into the house, leaving me more than a little bit perplexed. I turned to look back at Emmett, searching for an answer to Rosalie's suddenly friendly charm.

"To her, you finally made the right choice," he whispered to me, giving me a cheeky grin.

"Oh."

"Now as for me… I'm happy if you're happy, lil sis."

I almost felt like I was about to tear up, had Emmett not unceremoniously dumped me on my ass on the ground so abruptly.

"Mmph! Ow, Emmett!"

"Ha-ha, come on, kiddo; you've got video games to lose at."

"Fine, but if I bruise I _will_ find a way to make you pay, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'd like to see you try."

He started walking towards the house so I picked myself up and followed him in.

As soon as I entered I was assaulted with a hug from Esme; my ribs were going to be sore in the morning.

"Oh, Bella, how are you, my dear?"

"I'm doing well, Esme; really well. How's…"

Esme gave me a knowing smile, "He's coping. He went out for a hunt with Carlisle shortly after he got back this morning. Don't worry, dear, we all love you."

I smiled back at her but my response was interrupted by Emmett bellowing, "ENOUGH WITH THE SENTIMENTALS!"

Esme laughed and patted my cheek, turning around to go back to whatever she was doing before I arrived.

I walked slowly, painfully slowly, over to the lounge where Alice, Rosalie and Emmett were all sitting.

"Hurry up! God you're slow; even for a human!"

I slowed again, trying not to drag my feet too hard on their clean floor.

All of a sudden I lurched forward and was thrown onto the couch next to Rosalie.

"Emmett don't throw her like that! Just because Edward isn't able to tell you off for throwing around his precious little Bella anymore doesn't mean you should."

I laughed openly as Emmett tossed me the controller with the game already starting.

"_Mortal Combat_? Seriously? Do they even make that for Xbox? This game is probably older than I am!"

"Most of the things in this room are and it doesn't stop them from being totally awesome, does it now, Bella?"

I snorted at him as we chose our characters.

The next hour or so passed by with all four of us just laughing and having fun, sharing the controllers around so everyone could try and beat everyone. I even won a couple rounds by pressing all the buttons at once and continually kicking my opponent so they couldn't reach me. Emmett said I was cheating. I disagreed.

It was probably a bit before 10 that I got hungry, realising that I hadn't eaten since my late breakfast.

"Do you want to go out to eat or order pizza?" Alice chirped from over my shoulder, as I was now cross-legged on the floor.

"What do you think?"

"I'll go get you a coat."

I giggled as she raced out of the room and up the stairs. I usually didn't like to go out so late at night, but I knew I would be safe. Plus, it was time I got used to being up later if I wanted to start this whole 'new attitude' towards life's experiences.

It was at that point that Jasper breezed in through the backdoor, looking eloquent as they all did when they ran.

"Oh hello, Bella, how are you doing?"

"Fine thanks. Have you been hunting?"

"Just running," he smiled at me, if not a little stiffly. Jasper was still new ground; I hadn't really gotten to know a whole lot about him, even after he told me his story a few months ago. I hoped that now all the hardship was behind us, I could get to know him and Rosalie, now that she was willing, more personally like I knew the others.

"So, kiddo where do you want to eat?"

I shrugged, "Nowhere in particular, thanks Emmett; anywhere will do."

"Fast food it is then."

"She is _not_ going to a fast food place, Emmett," Alice said as she suddenly materialised back in the room, tossing me a red trench coat, "that stuff smells revolting and is really bad for you."

"Oh please, Alice," I rolled my eyes, "it's fine so long as I don't eat it all the time. Besides, I kind of feel like digesting a bucket of grease."

"Well _I_ don't want to smell it."

"Then don't come," Emmett said, his Jeep's keys in hand, standing by the door.

I laughed quietly at Emmett's bluntness; Rosalie laughed rather loudly.

"Fine, have a good time then. I've got something I should attend to anyway," Alice said, sitting down on the couch and picking up the remote control.

"See you when we get back then," I walked over to the back of the chair and kissed the top of her head. I saw her smile in response.

"You coming or staying with Alice?" Emmett said to Jasper as Rose and I were walking out the door.

I turned back to see Jasper's eyes dart toward his wife before looking back to Emmett, "No, I'll come I guess."

Rose took my elbow and led me toward the car, an expression on her face that I hadn't yet seen; concern.

We reached the garage with Emmett suddenly already in the car. Rose helped me climb up into the monstrous beast before hopping in the front seat. Emmett blared the horn signalling for Jasper to hurry up, who swiftly appeared next to me in the backseat.

"What outlet, kiddo?"

"Uh, you decide."

"Because I'm really the best judge of human food?"

"Surprise me; maybe you were a fast food connoisseur back in your human days?"

"Well, I do like to eat," Emmett laughed, before shooting Rosalie a seedy grin, waggling his eyebrows.

"Yuck, Emmett," she rolled her eyes.

I laughed again, Jasper just sat there looking at Emmett like the idiot he was. I usually didn't like crude humour but with Emmett, just about everything was funny. My cheeks were kind of starting to hurt from all the laughing I was doing tonight.

We pulled out of the garage and sped down the driveway, with Rosalie immediately picking out problems with Emmett's Jeep. I didn't understand any of it; something about the way the engine sounded. I gave up before I even tried joining in on _that_ discussion.

"Not your first choice of conversational topic, huh?"

Jasper was looking at me with a half amused expression on his face.

"No, not really. I don't see the fascination with cars myself."

Jasper chuckled, "Finally, someone else who understands cars are just transport and not a vehiclised Holy- Grail."

"You don't like them like the rest of the family?"

"No, I can't say I do. I've never gotten it, as hasn't Esme. I'd prefer to obsess over something a little less materialistic."

"Like what?"

He blinked at me, "Sorry?"

"Well, what _do _you obsess over? Everyone's got an outlet; something they love to do. Rosalie's got her car, Edward's got his piano, and Carlisle's got his work. What about you? What do you like to do?"

"Well…" he stopped and furrowed his brow, thinking, "I suppose I like to read. Civil War books mainly, but I dabble in every genre. It's rather enjoyable"

"Yes, you look like a reader. I can see it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you just look like you enjoy reading instead of just searching for knowledge. You have that calm vibe about you."

His smile tightened and his eyebrows came down, "Sometimes."

I was surprised at how easy it was to talk to Jasper, even just casual 'get to know you' questions like these. I didn't picture him as one to open up so easily.

Just then the car halted. I looked out the window to see we were in front of the McDonalds just out of Forks on the highway. We hopped out, some more gracefully than others, and walked into the Golden Arches.

I know that it's bad for me and that my vampire companions probably wouldn't feel the same way, but I loved the smell of fast food. It smelled so warm and delicious, watering my mouth.

"So, what'll it be, Kiddo?"

"Wha- no, Emmett please don't pay for it."

But he had already taken out his wallet, "Bella, when are you going to learn that you don't have to pay for anything when you're with us? It's not a big deal. Plus, we like to spend money on you and you are a Cullen, thus entitled to our resources."

I couldn't argue with him; he'd called me a Cullen and although they probably didn't know how much it meant to me, sans Jaspers, it really made my heart swell with pride each time they did it.

"Fine then, small Cheeseburger meal with chocolate milkshake, please."

He wrinkled his nose at the order but stepped up into the queue anyway, "Go take a seat with the others. I'll bring it over to you."

I gave him a quick hug then went to sit with Rosalie and Jasper, who had already chosen a booth around the corner, overlooking the playground.

"This place stinks."

"I have to agree with Rosalie," Jasper said as I sat down next to him, "I don't know how you eat this stuff, Bella."

"I don't know how you eat live animals, so I guess we'll never understand each other's diets, will we?"

Rose smiled fondly at me, "Let's hope not."

We sat silently for a minute, each keeping to our own thoughts. I was thinking about my hair; trivial, I know. I wondered what sort of style I'd like. Did I want it coloured? I couldn't decide. No way would I go blonde like Rosalie, I wasn't ready for that sort of drastic change. So did I want to go darker? Not black – too harsh for my face. What other colours were there? Did I want streaks? I looked around the McDonalds to observe people's hair. There was one lady with a big, chunky fringe that I liked, though perhaps not that thick. Up the other end of the restaurant was a boy with flaming red hair. Did I want to go red? I liked that idea. Red was fiery, challenging and exciting. It was everything that brown wasn't; dull, boring and bland Bella Swan. Perhaps not as red as that boy; his was damn near orange, but maybe a burgundy colour? Can you get burgundy hair? Because I was so fair, I didn't think I could screw up too much in terms of colour. I was going to ask Rosalie's opinion, but I decided I wanted this to be my decision. Not hers and not Alice's, but _my_ hair that _I _chose for _me_.

I was jerked out of my thoughts by a sudden crunching noise.

Rosalie had dug her nails through the top of the table and looked furious, truly vampiric.

"What? Rose, are you ok?"

Jasper was chuckling as Rosalie stood up, her fists clenched and ready to pummel.

"How _dare_ she! Try to hit on my man? Un-bloody-likely!"

All of a sudden she stormed off toward the counter, where Emmett was likely still standing.

Once she rounded the corner I couldn't see or hear anything other than silence. Rosalie wasn't shouting, but apparently everyone at the counter had stopped to listen.

"Jasper, what's happened?"

"Oh, Rosalie's just causing a scene like always. Some poor service counter worker tried to flirt with Emmett; ask for his number. Not on Rose's watch."

I felt sorry for the girl, whoever she was. I knew what it was like to be on Rosalie's bad side and it was something I didn't wish on anyone.

I turned back to Jasper who seemed thoroughly disinterested in whatever scene was unfolding a few meters away. He was instead staring absently out the window at the large children's playground. It seemed kind of spooky at night time, in the dark with no children running around on it. Yet it was still strangely inviting.

"It looks like fun."

Jasper turned back to me, "What does?"

"The playground. I don't know how many years it's been since I've climbed one."

"I don't even know if I _have _climbed one. Obviously not a McDonald's one, but just a playground in general. I can't remember ever doing it in my childhood."

I felt an urge, an instinct and just went with it, "So, let's go climb it then."

Jasper looked baffled, "Pardon me?"

"You've never climbed one; never climbed to the very top only to slide down, just to climb back up to the top and do it all again. The little spinning naughts and crosses and all the ropes and things. It's a big, fun, plastic obstacle course. So come on, you've got to go on it or risk spending eternity not having lived life to the fullest."

He still stared at me like I was crazy but stood up none the less. I raced out the door and through the gate outside. I didn't know who this suddenly less responsible, childish Bella that had taken over my body was, but I liked her. I put my hands on the colourful ladder and hoisted myself up. The plastic playground was freezing from the Washington weather, with heavy, wet dew on every surface.

I felt certain body parts react to the cold and I shivered as I climbed inside. Jasper hadn't gotten up yet but was standing on the ground below. No doubt he thought I'd gone insane from Edward and mine's break up, but he was totally wrong. As I climbed up the inside of the playground, manipulating my now too big body through the twists and turns, my hands and knees started to get red from the cold, my clothes and skin started to get a little wet from the dew and my face got flushed because I'd never felt so immature. I loved this feeling of total adolescent bliss and I decided I was going to try and live this feeling of adrenaline fuelled delight as much as possible.

As I got a little higher up the not very high playground I felt it start to narrow. I kept going, determined to reach the top of the slide.

"Ow!"

I felt it, but couldn't turn around enough in the small space to see it. My ankle was snagged in between what felt like two bars.

"Bella? Are you alright?" I heard Jasper's call from outside the playground.

"Um, yeah it's just… my ankle is stuck and OW!" I tried to pull my leg free, "it won't come out!"

I didn't hear anything for a few seconds and I feared he'd gone back inside and left me laying there on the cold, hard plastic of the enclosed playground. But soon I heard shuffling and movement coming up inside the playground.

"Mmph, Bella… how did you even… contort your body to… get up this far?"

I could only bend enough to see his sandy hair, his shoulders almost wedged between the two sides of the tunnel like thing I was currently stuck in.

"Not all of us are 6ft 3, Jasper. Please, just help me."

I heard him sigh heavily and saw him wiggle his hands up past his chest and over his head. He looked up at my foot and I saw his face half scowling, but with a smile dancing in the corner of his mouth. The whole situation was pretty absurd.

"Tell me if I hurt you," he said as he reached up to my ankle, his cool touch making me shiver slightly.

I felt both his hands grasp my ankle firmly and move it slowly, my shoe slowly inching out of the space it was stuck in.

He twisted it a little too much and although it hurt, I didn't say anything. He still knew though, "I'm sorry, it won't hurt for long."

He then eased it out the last little bit and my foot was free, shoe still intact.

"Thank you, Jasper. I know this is an awfully ridiculous situation."

I heard him laugh, "Yes, it is. So are you coming down now?"

I considered it for only a second, "Are you kidding me? I can see the entrance to the slide right in front of my face! No way am I coming down. The question is whether _you_ are going to come down the slide or not, Jasper and I sincerely hope you don't pick the wrong answer."

"I suppose I don't really have a choice, do I? It's probably easier to keep going up then try to manoeuvre my way backwards. Just hurry please Bella; I need to get out of this confined space."

He didn't have to say why. I knew it was my blood and he was struggling to be in here with me. Despite my knowing the Cullens for almost two years now, it wasn't like Jasper and I had ever been in this close proximity before.

I circled my foot one last time to see all was good; no sprain. I then squirmed my way up over the last bend and was face first with the slide. I was going try and turn myself around so I could go feet first, but to hell with it. I hauled my body through the big hole and down the bendy slide.

It was exhilarating. All the water from the cold had stuck to me, so it was easier and smoother to go face first down the slide. I knew it was such a childish and lame thing to do but it really was a blast for the few seconds it lasted. I saw moonlight and when the slide balanced out and I lost the momentum I dragged myself the last little way out. I laughed freely into the night, my damp and flushed body appreciating the cool night's whip once again, after being inside the closed space for so long.

"Having fun?"

I jumped and saw Rosalie and Emmett standing there, staring at me with their eyebrows raised. I looked sheepishly at them, "I don't know what to say; it was fun."

"Yeah, well get up and make room for Jasper; he's probably dying crammed up there."

I took Emmett's hand and he hoisted me up, as I heard Jasper come down the slide. He slid out feet first, so much more gracefully than I had, with barely a speck of water or dirt on him.

"Well, that was an interesting experience."

"I'm sure," Rosalie said, sniggering through her words.

"Well at least now you can say you've been on a playground!" I giggled, hoping he wasn't embarrassed or anything.

He just looked at me and smiled though, "Yes, I suppose I can."

Emmett handed me my bag of food and drink.

"What time is it, Emmett?" I asked as I stuffed a fry in my mouth; cold.

"Late, too late. We need to get you home or Alice will kill us if you don't get up in the morning."

We walked back through the building and out to the car, me munching on my still kinda warm burger on the way. I stuffed the last bit down before I got in the Jeep and sipped on my milkshake during the quiet ride home. I leant my head against the window pain and marvelled at the huge day I'd had. Was it really just this morning that I'd told Edward I wanted to call it quits? Had I truly spoken to Jake and hugged him again? Did Alice cry in my arms and tell me that not everything was a picture perfect as it seemed?

And did I really just get stuck in a children's McDonald's playground with Jasper?

The answer was yes to all four and just thinking about it made me sleepy and a little disoriented. When we entered back into Forks I felt myself drift off into sleep, only waking slightly as Rosalie laid me down on a bed sometime afterwards as she whispered, "Goodnight, Bella."

So what did we all think? What's that? You'd like to tell me? Well then just click the review button, my friend!


	6. Out With The Old

Another tasty chapter for you all to devour. Enjoy!

I woke up to the smell of hot food being wafted under nose.

Its delicious smell was really the only thing enticing me to wake up, for I surely could have stayed forever lying on these soft, silky sheets.

"Wake up, Bella dearest."

Esme.

"Mmhmm…"

I opened my eyes and saw Esme's darling face in front of me, holding a tray full of all sorts of delicious foods; bacon, eggs, toast, waffles, fruit, juice.

"Here, eat this and then go and get ready. Rosalie informs me you two are going to the salon?"

"Rosalie? I thought Alice would be coming with me?"

"Yes, well Alice had some things to tend to today, so Rosalie offered to go with you."

I took the tray from her and placed it in my lap, realising that I was actually in Alice and Jasper's room, not Edward's.

"What sort of things?" I was so curious. Alice never passed up an opportunity for a day out, especially when my appearance was at stake.

"Nothing to worry about, dear. You just eat up and have a fun day," she smiled at me, so genuine and warm. She patted my cheek like she usually did and left me to eat my breakfast.

I picked up a piece of toast and started to munch on it thoughtfully.

What was Alice doing that she'd miss out on this? Was she with Edward and Carlisle?

She's said last night she had something to do… something to attend to?

I couldn't remember, so I decided not to worry about it. Esme would have told me if it was urgent.

I continued eating as I let my mind wander to the other prospects the day had in store for me.

Like an entire day with Rosalie and me by ourselves.

I had to admit I was a little nervous, having only spent time with her in the company of others. I was also very excited though; perhaps Rose and I could be really close? And if Alice was going to continue acting weird then I needed a new female friend to help me with all the girl stuff.

I kept mulling over it all as I finished off my breakfast and got up. I wondered if Alice or Jasper would mind if I used their bathroom. Probably not.

I walked in and found a towel and an outfit laid out on their marble counter for me, with a note that read, '_your hair will look fantastic, Love Alice'_

Well, that was reassuring. I wondered when she had wrote it; before she left? Or had she come back during the night?

I got in the shower and lathered up, washing my face, skin and hair with the various products Alice had in her shower. All bought probably for my use.

As I ran my fingers through my hair, I couldn't help but think about what it represented.

It represented Edward's Bella, at least to me. And even though I swear I wasn't out to 'reinvent' myself, I couldn't hang onto any part of me that I knew would remind me of him. I didn't want to continually question myself, 'would Edward approve of this? What would Edward think?'

I didn't know when I assigned my hair as 'Edward's' as I'd had it all my life. I think that was it though; it was a representation of my naivety, my life before Edward and as a result, everything that Edward had changed.

I had to stop myself before I got too raging feminist.

After all, I still did love Edward, just not in the same way. He was the doorway to many great people who I love and cherish. Who love and cherish me.

I realised that I hadn't seen Edward at all since yesterday morning and wondered if in fact he was with Alice. They were so close already, and I could only imagine what their recent love troubles were doing to them emotionally.

I used to think Alice was the person I was closest to, who I would spiel my long winded tails to and cry my eyes out on the shoulder of should I ever have the need. I knew it wasn't a competition, but I could never compete with Edward for her confidence. They understood each other in a way I never would. So who's confidant was I? Last night, Alice did open a little piece of her feelings to me that I hadn't yet seen, but even then she didn't give everything away.

I imagined that's what her and Edward were talking about now, if they were in fact together.

Carlisle probably knew everything too. He usually did.

I wondered where my place was in the family now. As the human pet? I wasn't close to any one person in particular, although Emmett was certainly my favourite person to hang out with.

If today proved successful, perhaps I could become close with Rosalie? Although she didn't seem quite as sympathetic as I'd like. There was always Jasper, who I'd already begun to crack the surface of. Plus, he came to my rescue last night in the playground which showed he at least thought of me as something more than a nuisance, otherwise he'd have just me in there.

Esme… she just wasn't down for all the random craziness I wanted now.

I thought of Edward… could he possibly provide me with what I needed as a friend better than he did a partner?

I laughed out loud; yeah, right.

All nice and clean, I got out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel, leaving my hair to dry naturally. On the cabinet I also found a newly packeted toothbrush and toothpaste.

As crazy as Alice was sometimes, she sure was thorough.

As I brushed my teeth, I looked at the outfit Alice had picked for me. Dark blue skinny jeans and a black tank top with red flats.

That was two days in a row that Alice had picked a simple outfit for me, instead of the bells and whistles she usually made me where.

What was wrong her lately?

When I was finished getting ready I headed downstairs with my almost empty food tray to where Rosalie was waiting for me, picture perfect as always.

"You ready for a day of beautification?"

"Absolutely," I grinned, walking to the kitchen to put my tray in the sink.

"So, do you know what you want done?" Rose's voice was now behind me in the doorway of the kitchen

"I think so, I've been having a think about it and I hope it looks ok, Alice assures me it will."

"So are you going to tell me?"

"I want it to be a surprise," I teased, turning back around, poking my tongue out at her.

"But I know what would look great on you," she whined as she grabbed her car keys and we walked out the door.

"Yeah, but… I want this to be my choice, you know? I know it's silly, but these past few years I've barely been able to make a single decision surrounding my life and this is something that I finally get a say in."

Rosalie pondered what I'd said as we got into her Mercedes.

It started to drizzle rain, so Rosalie put the top up before we pulled out of the garage and out onto the road.

"I need to get something off my chest, Bella."

I blinked at her, "Umm, ok…"

She took a deep breath before continuing, "It's just, you know I've never been too fond of you. Even after I told you my story, you still didn't take my word for it. I just want to tell you that I respect you for breaking up with Edward. Even though you broke his heart and it was the happiest I'd ever seen him when he was with you, I knew it wasn't right. Everyone spoke about how you looked at him with goo-goo eyes and were madly in love, but for you it was a sad love. You'll probably tell me I'm wrong and that it was the happiest you'd ever been but I could see it. Your eyes would always tighten or your face would crumple up so many times, even after all the drama that was sorted. Just the wedding was making you sad and, as a strong advocate of women empowerment, I say kudos to you for doing what makes you happy and not someone else. I think I'm going to like you after all."

During the course of her speech, I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"Oh, Bella don't cry! I didn't want to get all lovey-dovey with you, it's just the truth."

I sniffled, "I know, and that's why it means so much to hear you say it."

She smiled at me and faced back to the road.

I was surprised at the conversation that unfolded with Rosalie; how insightful she was, how funny she was.

We didn't talk about anything of real substance, but it was small observations that made me appreciate how much of good person Rosalie actually was.

Edward had always assured me her head was filled of nothing but mean thoughts or were revolving around herself, but I didn't really believe him. When she talked about Emmett her eyes lit up and her smile broadened with the utmost pride, even though she constantly made fun of him. When she ridiculed Edward for being such a prude, I could still hear the respect in her voice for him remaining so diligent. I soon realised that what was often construed as mean and snarky, was just Rosalie's way of showing affection.

I had to remember that for anytime I felt insulted by her in the future.

We got into Port Angeles sooner than expected thanks to Rosalie's insane driving; she went faster than even Edward.

"So did Alice book anywhere for me?"

"Of course she did, Bella. We weren't just going to turn up anywhere. There is only one decent hair dresser in this area; it's who all the small town Forks hicks go to for their weddings and proms and such. Naturally we got you an appointment with him."

"Naturally," I laughed at the thought of Rosalie walking into a subpar salon; _how ridiculous!_

We drove around for a bit longer until we pulled up at a very clean, very modern looking building on one of the main streets.

It was bright white but without a speck of graffiti on it. The sign above the wide glass door read _Ian Martin_ in a swirly, cursive font in blood red.

It was very visually dynamic for such a small building.

We got out of the car and I suddenly felt a little nervous. Was I really going to do this? I'd never dyed my hair, and only ever got it trimmed. Was Alice sure it would look ok? Her idea of good and my idea of good were usually on two totally different ends of the spectrum.

The nerves must have shown on my face because Rosalie tried to reassure me by saying, "If he fucks it up, I'll kill him."

Great.

As soon as we opened the door we were greeted by who I assumed was Ian, "Welcome! Do we have an appointment, ladies?"

"Of course, 10 o'clock for Bella Swan."

"Ah, yes. Please come this way."

The inside of the salon was simple yet eloquent, with lightly varnished wooden floors and solid black walls, contrasting the outside's white. There were four stations set up, each with a white counter top, mirror, black leather chair and various other bits and pieces. The whole place just screamed professionalism, not showiness. Ian himself didn't look like anything amazing either. He wore a simple, well fitted, white t-shirt with blue jeans torn once at the knee. He was probably about thirty and has a good, healthy tan to him with attractive facial features. His hair was brown and styled lightly with gel, his smile warm and friendly.

I could tell I would like him a lot.

"Well as you can see," Ian gestured to the empty salon as I sat down in the chair, "I'm not busy today. So I'll be able to devote all my time and attention to you."

I smiled as he whisked the black smock over me, the same red writing on the building printed on the front of it.

"So, Bella, have you put any thought into what you'd like done?"

"Well," how to put this? "I want to keep my length, but perhaps add some layers?"

"Long or short?"

"Uh, what's the difference between the two?"

"Well, long layers would begin being cut at about your jaw line, cascading down. Short layers would begin all the way up here," he gestured to the very top of my head. Yikes.

"Uh, long layers please. And I'd also like a fringe."

"Block or side?"

"Um, a straight one?"

"Block it is then. What about a colour?"

"I want red but… not red." I was starting to feel a bit like an idiot, but Ian was very understanding.

"Red but not red… so darker red with tones of purple throughout?"

"Purple!?"

I did not want purple hair.

"Hold on, let me get my book," Ian strode off into the backroom for a second and came back with a large white folder.

He flicked through several pages until he found the one he was looking for and brandished it in front of my face. There were little loops of hair all stuck to the pages, each organised in order of colour. There were hundreds of them with this particular page focusing on shades of darker red.

"I was thinking this one for you, a nice burgundy colour?" Ian pointed to a lovely shade of hair, the exact colour I had in mind.

Oh, he was good.

"That's perfect! Exactly what I had in mind!"

"Excellent, so if there are no other specifications then…" he looked at me and Rosalie, who was sitting on the chair next to me, "then we'll start with the colour."

Ian disappeared to the back room again to go retrieve what he needed.

"You're going to look fantastic," Rosalie said, smiling quite affectionately at me.

"You think so? It's not going to look stupid or anything?"

"No way, you totally got it right, the cut with your bone structure, and the colour with your skin; perfect."

I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe I was better at this whole girly thing than I originally thought?

Ian came back in with a small black tool belt type thing around his hips, with scissors, combs and all sorts of other things in there. He also carried a small white dish with what looked like purple shampoo in it.

He set the dish down on a little tray on wheels he'd brought over and pulled all my hair over my shoulders, "You have such lovely, healthy hair. So rare these days."

I didn't know what to say so I just said nothing, as Ian took several large clips and began sorting my hair into pieces, clipping then into place.

It was when I felt the cold brush hit my scalp that I closed my eyes. There it was; the first part of my brown hair gone. The dye sunk in and I felt the brush spreading it out over the pieces of hair till it was all covered. I opened my eyes to see Ian dipping his brush back into the purple dye. I hoped it would all turn out ok.

I got a little panicky when Ian moved to the front of my head and I could actually see it staining my hair. But when he was finally finished I couldn't help but giggle at how silly I looked, with this dark mop of hair all piled onto my head.

Ian walked away and got a large contraption out of the back room. He plugged it into a socket and put the dome bit over my head. I felt the heat of it on my scalp.

"If it starts to burn, let me know. Now we just wait for about half an hour and then we'll start the cut."

In the half an hour that passed, Ian received another customer; an elderly lady who wanted her hair trimmed. I was a little bit annoyed when I saw that the kind demeanour Ian had was bestowed upon all of his customers, and not just me. He really was a professional.

Rose and I read magazines, chatted here and there about the trashy tabloids we were reading.

Half an hour passed quickly and as soon as the other customer paid and left, Ian walked back over to me, "Ok, let's rinse it out."

When he pulled the dome off my head, I couldn't spot any difference than to when he first put it on.

I wondered if it had even worked.

I was led over to one of the four basins at the back of the room and sat down in the chair. I'd never had to have my hair washed by the hairdresser, I only ever got trims before. Ian washed my hair out in the most pleasurable way possible; digging his fingers firmly, but still gently into my scalp and massaging as he rinsed out the dye. I closed my eyes and let the perfectly warm water wash the sides of my face, relishing in the feeling of total peace and serenity.

When Ian motioned for me to sit up I was a little disappointed, wanting the head massage to go on forever. He quickly ran a towel over my wet hair and I went to go sit back down in my previous chair.

"Oh… my… God…" my eyes were bugged out of their head; this was nothing like the colour I'd chosen!

"Don't worry, Bella," Ian came back over to stand behind my chair, "it only looks black because it's wet. It'll lighten once I blow dry it."

He gave me a smile and I felt reassured, although a little silly too for not realising that myself.

"Now, the fun bit," Ian grinned as he produced a small, silver pair of scissors.

I tried not to gulp too loudly, but I think he still heard me.

When he cut the first piece of hair away I shut my eyes; I just couldn't watch my hair being hacked away at. I didn't know why today getting my hair cut seemed like such a huge deal, especially after I dyed it. I suppose it was something about the symbolism; watching Edward's and my relationship being chopped swiftly away.

"Bella, keep your eyes closed! I want you to be surprised!" came Rose's voice from my left.

I decided to oblige; keeping my eyes shut was easier anyway.

I felt the scissors move all throughout my hair, finally making their way around to the front. It tickled when my fringe was cut, the stray hairs landing on the tip of my nose.

"Looking good," I heard Ian say, and I hoped he was right.

"Excuse me, Ian, could you dry and straighten it? And do you mind if I give her a little makeover of my own while you do it?"

"What are you talking about Rose?" Even I heard the terror in my voice.

"Oh, relax, I just want to put a little makeup on you."

"How much is a little?"

"Just some eyeliner, mascara and lip-gloss. Nothing too scary, I promise."

I groaned but allowed it. If I was already here, why not?

I felt Rose shuffle in front of me so she was blocking the mirror, and heard the blow dryer being turned on.

"You cannot look, understand me? Only open your eyes when I tell you to," she commanded, and I felt the hot air on my hair.

I kept my eyes shut most of the time, as she ran what felt like a thin line over my top lid. She applied the lip-gloss and told me to open my eyes. She held back my fringe with one hand so I couldn't see the colour and skilfully applied mascara with the other.

My hair felt completely dry now and Ian had moved in with the straightener, dragging it through the hair.

"Close your eyes again, and don't open them until it's all straightened!"

I obeyed her orders and shut them, trying not to squeeze too tight and smear eye makeup all over my cheeks.

When Ian straightened my fringe, I could feel the heat right in front of my face. It was a bit scary with my eyes closed, but I trusted Ian.

"Annnnd now…" he pulled the straightener one last time over my hair, "we're done!"

I didn't open my eyes though, "Are you sure? How does it look?"

"Incredible," I heard from Ian.

"Absolutely stunning," Said Rose, whose cold hands I could feel on my shoulders from behind me.

I took a deep breath and exhaled. This was it; this was Bella Swan. Not Bella, the gorgeous Edward Cullen's fiancé.

But a Bella who made her own decisions, and didn't have to be babied or lied to so that she was protected. A Bella of possibilities instead of limitations.

I slowly opened my eyes to meet the girl who'd just spent two hours in the hairdresser's chair.

When I did meet her, I was amazed.

As soon as I looked in the mirror I didn't know what else to feel.

Was this me? Truly 100% Bella Swan?

Not even when Alice gave me her makeovers did I come out looking even half as good as this. Yes, I could say it; I looked good. Damn good at that too.

The cut was perfect, with the fringe complimenting my heart shaped face, and the red-purple tones giving my skin a somewhat lunar glow. The layers also made my hair look longer and my face older.

And Rosalie's make up; wow. It wasn't like I'd never worn makeup, but with my new hair it all just looked so different. The basic black eyeliner and mascara was all I needed to look fierce and sexy, with the clear lip-gloss adding just that extra hint of pout.

I couldn't even believe it.

"So, what do you think?" Ian said a little nervously, as I hadn't yet said anything.

"Do you like it, Bella?" Rose asked tentatively.

I just stared at myself a little longer before finally answering, "I love it."

So what do we think of the new looking Bella? A bit more fierce than the sweet little old Bella we once knew? If you want to see my take on what I think Bella's new look is, head on over to my profile for a picture of her exact new hair colour and cut. Listen, I know exactly how many emails I have received saying, '____ has added this story to their story alert/favourite stories' and it's mighty flattering as I've been overwhelmed by the amount of people doing so. However I'd really appreciate reviews, and I'd love you to tell me exactly what you think, be it good or bad. Even if you picked up on a typo or something. I just love to hear from you guys. I'd say you can expect the next chapter probably in about two or three days, as I've got work and some stuff planned for the weekend. Love you all, thanks for the support.


	7. Revelations And Reflections

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, you're all darlings! Sorry if I didn't reply to you, but I thought you'd rather I write another chapter. I would've had this written and up yesterday but like I said before, social life. Can I just say that I love it when you guys guess about where the story's going; sometimes you're more on point than you know. I hope this chapter is a nice little appetiser for you, because I'm sure you'll like the next one. At least, I will. READ ON!

"NO! Rosalie, this is mortifying!"

"Come on, Bella! You're a grown woman! You cannot seriously tell me that you wouldn't wear this?"

I wanted to cry from utter humiliation. If this was what being Rosalie's friend would entail then I was seriously rethinking going back to Edward if it would get her to leave me alone. I could deal with shopping for underwear, I could. But not _lingerie_ and most certainly not trying it on in front of Rosalie, the most gorgeous woman on the planet, in some snooty little boutique's changing room.

"It shows off your body perfectly and it even adds a cup size! Bella, you have to get this or risk wearing those ugly ass briefs for the rest of your life."

She snapped the white, cotton underwear I still had on under the new, expensive lingerie and I cringed.

She was right though. The bra showed what I once thought was nonexistent cleavage while the bottoms hugged my hips perfectly.

"But, Rosalie… isn't the whole idea of lingerie so someone can see you in them?"

That's what worried me. I secretly would have loved wearing it under my clothes. It made me feel sexy and with my new-hair-high I was still riding since this morning, it would have probably put a little more oomph into my step. But the thought of someone seeing me in this, namely a boy, made me shrivel up into a little ball and die.

"Obviously! You don't want to remain a virgin forever do you?"

I was horrified; was Rosalie planning some twisted game to try and make me lose my virginity by Monday?

"Can we please not talk about my sex life? I'm embarrassed enough already wearing this in front of you, let alone a boy! Besides, I only broke it off with Edward yesterday morning! You can't seriously be suggesting I go out and sleep with someone, can you?"

Rosalie clicked her fingers and turned away to face the curtain, signalling for me to take it off, "Certainly not with a _boy_, Bella you want a _man_. But you're the one that wants to start this whole 'new woman' escapade. Plus, you told Edward that it's a possibility that you'll have sex with someone, so why not?"

"That's not what I said! I told him I didn't want to rule out any possibilities," I tried to take the lingerie off as delicately as possible, not wanting to rip any silk or lace, "and that doesn't mean I'm even ready for sex yet!"

I was seriously regretting telling Rosalie about mine and Edward's past conversations. It seemed like a good idea when we were shopping around for normal clothes. Once I got to the breakup and mentioned how Edward was worried about my future sexual endeavours, I quite literally saw the light bulb go off behind Rosalie's eyes.

"Yeah, well, when you wear white, cotton briefs anyone can see what's going on in your downstairs garden and trust me, you'll never be ready for sex until you do some serious landscaping."

Oh.

My.

God.

"Now hurry up! Regardless of whether you're going to bed with anyone in the near future I will not have you wearing this Wal-Mart, comes-in-a-4-pack underwear."

She gathered all the lingerie and whisked out of the changing room, leaving me to bask in sheer humiliation whilst trying to remind myself that she said things out of love.

It didn't work.

I decided that never, ever could I go shopping with Rosalie by myself again. At least if Alice were here she'd act as a buffer, putting things at least somewhat more delicately than Rose would.

Rosalie started to exhaust me the moment we left the salon and although I tried to remember my discovery about her way of showing affection, I couldn't escape the need to run away and hide every time she made a comment.

Rosalie was simply too intense to spend an entire day with by myself, and now that it was approaching late afternoon, I needed to go home.

Which home I wasn't sure. I sincerely wanted to stay with the Cullens, perhaps spend some more time with Emmett and Esme. Yet I couldn't help but feel that I was intruding on Edward's support system. He hadn't been home since yesterday morning that I knew of, and he should be with his family. They were after all, despite what they said, _his _family.

I put the rest of my clothes back on and walked – slunk – out of the dressing room.

Rosalie was having about four bags being run up at the till of the froofy, overly pink and lace themed store.

"Um, Rose?"

"Yes?" She was running her credit card through. I didn't even want to look at the bill.

"I've had a great day but seriously, all this shopping and beauty has just worn me out. Could we please go home? I'd like to go to bed."

She surveyed me, looking from my head to my toes, "I suppose it has been a big day for you. Am I taking you to our home or the House of Swan?"

"Um, my house."

She frowned, "Bella, our house _is_ your house. It's about time you got that through your skull."

I tried to laugh as she picked up my bags and thanked the sales lady but I just couldn't muster the energy. Being with Rose was tiring.

"Yes, but I think I'd just like to go to sleep in my own bed instead of intruding on someone else's for a change."

"Why? It's not like they've used it for _anything _lately."

"Rose!" And this was another reason being with Rosalie was so demanding; she said things that were so inappropriate about her family members I felt annoyed at myself for becoming insanely curious afterwards.

I tried to squash my intrigue, hoping it'd just go away, I was confident I'd last once we reached the Forks boundaries but I just couldn't help myself when Rose and I said goodbye in my driveway.

"You mean they haven't been with each other in months?"

I just blurted it out, interrupting Rose's hair care tips for my new colour.

She raised her eyebrow at me and rolled her eyes, "Took you long enough."

"Well I didn't want to pry but I just couldn't help myself. I'm human, so sue me."

"Oh, Bella, you're so much more fun than Edward let on," I didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or not, but Rose's face changed quickly from light to somber, "but yes, they haven't had sex in months. You've only cottoned on to their problems recently but truth be told Bella, they haven't been the same in a while."

"Since when?" I feared what her answer might be.

"Around a year and a half ago; about the time you moved to Forks."

I could have died right there on the pavement of my driveway.

My face must've given my thoughts away, because Rose interrupted my panicking, "You sure do think highly of yourself, don't you? Relax, Bella."

I let a shaky breath I'd had no idea I was holding. She was right, how conceited was I that I thought every tiny thing in the universe revolved around me? That's something I needed to change.

"Well, have a good nap or whatever it is you want to do, stop by the house tomorrow so everyone can see your hair. And remember what I told you about applying makeup; to do it."

She thrust the bags full of makeup, clothes and – shudder- _lingerie_ at me that she'd been holding and I nearly fell over with their weight. Luckily I didn't, because I wasn't all together sure Rose would catch me.

I would've waved her off as she drove away but seriously, these clothes were about to sever my arms in half.

I stumbled in through the front door and threw the bags half way up the stairs, walked up and dragged them into my room.

I collapsed onto my bed, not caring if I'd broken anything that Rose had so forcefully insisted I buy. Well, it wasn't exactly how I'd picture the day to go, but it was over and I felt good regardless of my exhaustion.

I thought once I got to the hair dresser than Rose was going to be fun to hang out with, and she was. She was just so emotionally draining. Why did she have to say things like she did? I got that she had this hard exterior, and that deep down she was sweet, but why couldn't the sweet just be a little more prominent at times? Alice was as iron fist as you could get when it came to fashion, but she was a least optimistic and took into consideration my human limitations.

Alice… that vampire was just one big mystery at times. I felt awful for knowing about her marital problems. Where was my resolve? Hadn't I said I wasn't going to worry about Alice? That she'd be fine?

I just couldn't make up my mind lately, whether I wanted to know or didn't want to know. Rose's two revelations had certainly made it harder not to get involved. I was depressed not being able to get Edward to make love to me so I couldn't even imagine how Alice was feeling.

Suddenly not being with your husband of so many decades of love and adoration? I'd heard of it happening, consequently breaking up long term couples. But not Alice and Jasper. They were _Alice and Jasper_! I refused to believe they could ever stop loving each other.

Although I used to be one half of _Edward and Bella, _and look where that ended up. I had witnessed it myself, when Jasper walked in the door a few days ago after going AWOL, looking the saddest I'd ever seen a person. Or when he shot Alice that look before leaving for dinner last night, as if he couldn't bear the thought of being alone with his wife?

So why hadn't I noticed this until now? If their problems had been going on for so long? Maybe I was just more clued in now that my own relationship problems weren't an issue. To be fair, I'd had a stressful time since I met the Cullens.

I hadn't had time to digest anything I'd hear over the past 24hours, not Jake, not Alice's breakdown. So that's what I did. I sat there thinking about everything. How quickly things can change without even a moments warning, be they for the good or bad. About Jake, how he blew back into my life so easily and yet I hadn't even stopped to think about him since I left for the Cullens' house yesterday. I should call him soon.

At least Jake was fine though, and had people to support him and love him if he wasn't. Alice though, she worried me. The way she cried yesterday, for over an hour without pause, was frightening. What was even scarier though was how quickly she disregarded her emotions and went back to putting her game face on.

How was she coping? Was she even talking to anyone about anything? I couldn't possibly imagine the shock of going from Jasper, who knew every emotion you were feeling to trying to suppress your emotions so not even you acknowledged them.

And I couldn't help but get a little self-indulgent again, thinking about my role in all of this. My presence had put the whole family through a lot, but Rose and Emmett were still together. Carlisle and Esme were stronger than ever if it were possible.

What about Alice's visions? When I'd asked her she burst into tears. Was she not getting them anymore? Or did she just not like what the future held for her? I had no idea, and my brain was hurting from trying to think about it all.

So I did what I first intended to do when I told Rose I wanted to go home; I went to sleep. It was still light out but I closed my eyes and hoped that I woke up in the morning with a clear head.

No such luck.

Not only did I wake up with all my worries that I had when I went to sleep but it wasn't even the morning. That's what I got for going to sleep before it was even dark.

I looked at my alarm clock and saw that it was 8 o'clock. Charlie would be home and I hadn't cooked him dinner yet.

I got up slowly and stretched, heading downstairs to see what Charlie wanted for a late meal. The glow from the television was shining up the stair case as I descended, and the smell of pizza wafted up my nose.

I hoped he'd saved me some.

"Hey, Bells! You want some pizza?" he asked as I sunk down on the couch next to him.

"Sure," he hadn't even noticed my hair- how typically dad-like of him.

As we sat there in silence watching some football game and eating pizza, I realised I hadn't told Charlie about Edward yet.

"Um, dad?"

"Hmm, yeah Bells?"

"I have something that… well… it's just that…"

I couldn't say it! This was even harder than breaking up with Edward.

Charlie muted the T.V. and turned to face me, looking serious, "What is it, Bells? Is this to do with the other night? You weren't hurt or anything were you? You can tell me."

"I know, yes it is to do with the other night, no I wasn't hurt," Well not physically, but I remember the pain of him leaving me without the chance to explain. I took a deep breath and decided to just plunge in head first, "Edward and I are no longer together. The wedding's off."

I stared at him expectantly, waiting for some kind of anger, joy or sorrow. But he just stared at me, looking a little bit embarrassed.

"Aren't you going to say anything? I just told you I'm not getting married anymore and you're going to say nothing? Seriously?"

"Well, it's just that," now it was Charlie's turn to squirm, looking for words, "I… I already knew."

"What? How?"

"Uh, apparently you told Jake yesterday and well, he told Billy and…"

I sighed. I didn't know whether to be frustrated or pleased.

"It's ok, dad. I suppose I was silly to think someone wouldn't have told you."

"I thought Alice would have told me to be honest, but she hasn't called."

"She's got her own problems to worry about. Did Billy tell you why I broke up with Edward?"

"Just something about not being ready for marriage. Why? He wasn't lying was he?"

"No, no, dad! He's telling the truth. I think I'm going to call Jake, ok?"

"Sure thing, Bells."

He handed me the cordless next to him and I went upstairs to my room again, dialling Jake's number. I hoped he was home and not out on a Wolf Boy run. It rung a few more times before he picked up, answering groggily.

"Allo?"

"Oh no, Jake I didn't wake you did I?"

"S-alright, what'd you want?"

I heard him hit the bed as he flopped onto it, just as I sat down on my own, "Nothing much. They haven't got you running around already have they, Jake? You only just got back for God's sake."

He laughed wearily, "Yeah, well it's what I get for disappearing for so long; double shifts. What've you been up to?"

"Hmm, I went shopping with Rosalie today- don't groan, Jake! - and bought more things than I can find places for. I changed my hair too."

"Oh really? God, you didn't let that little elf talk you into replicating her haircut did you?"

"Yes, Jake, that's exactly what I did."

There were a few seconds silence.

"Are you serious?"

"Of course I'm not serious, you idiot. I just got it changed a little; Burgundy with long layers and a fringe."

"I don't know what that means."

"No, I don't suppose you would."

We laughed together and chatted for a little while longer about nothing in particular. His day, my day, his plans for tomorrow, my plans for tomorrow.

"Um, I don't know actually. I'll probably just take it easy after today."

"I wish I could, stupid pack." He tried to stifle a yawn as he said it, but I could still hear it through the phone.

"Jake, am I keeping you awake? You need to go to sleep."

"Aw shucks, mum thanks."

"I'm serious. If you're going to be running around at all hours of the night you can't stay up this late just to entertain the likes of me."

"This late? Bella, it's 9 o'clock."

"Doesn't matter, go to bed. I'll see you around."

"See you, Bells."

I hung up and lay down, thankful for my now dark room. I felt better after talking to Jake and this time I didn't think, but just closed my eyes and let sleep take me.

So, nothing too big happening here perse, but just some things to help the story move along. Look out for the next chapter either later tonight or tomorrow, depending on how much I get sidetracked lol. By the way, if you could be so kind, do mind making suggestions as to some things you'd like Bella to try? They can be as outrageous as you want, but I need some more to bulk up the story. You're all gems =D


	8. Bonding With The Boys

Here's a chapter that I enjoyed writing. Enjoy, ya'll.

I knew it was still dark out before I even opened my eyes but I felt well rested so I decided to get up anyway.

I gathered my things and headed straight for the bathroom, ready for a scalding shower. I hadn't washed any of the makeup off from yesterday, so I had panda-eyes that stretched half way down my cheeks.

I got in the shower and scrubbed my face like crazy, trying to get rid of the icky feeling of not having washed it the night before. I tried not to wet my hair having had it washed yesterday, also hoping to keep the straightener's effect still intact. As I soaped down my body, I felt any form of stress wash away with the new day that was coming in. I figured because I was up so early, I'd go out and watch the sunrise.

I'd been up at dawn over the past few years of course, but it'd been so long since I'd sat and actually watched the sun come up over the horizon. I got out of shower and wondered whether I should put makeup on, like Rosalie said I should.

But the last thing I wanted was another Edward running my life, except this one was scarier, blonder and more lethal in my opinion. I decided on a compromise and went with what she'd put on me yesterday, instead of a full face of makeup. Besides, my skin was already nice and didn't need the layers of foundation ruining it.

I went to retrieve the makeup Rosalie had bought me and came back to the warm steam of the bathroom. I found an eye pencil and cleaned off a section of the mirror that was covered in steam. I applied the pencil ever so slowly, praying and pleading that I wouldn't blind or kill myself somehow. I didn't try to do anything fancy like Rosalie did, but in the end it looked good. The mascara I could handle and Rosalie made sure I got the best brand so I didn't have to worry about clogging. Those two things alone took me twenty minutes which was much longer than any beauty routine I'd had in the past.

It was starting to get lighter, so I had to hurry if I was going to make the sunrise. I threw on some black full length tights, black ballet flats and a red pullover dress that fell just above the knee. I had to admit, I never would have picked it out but I loved it. I had hesitated when it came to the underwear, but opted for the least scary option Rosalie had bought me. Lace boy shorts I was not against if they were going to make me feel like this; feminine, pretty and sexy all at the same time. I supposed there were some perks to going shopping with Rosalie.

As I was about to run out the front door, I scrawled a note for Charlie who was probably still in bed, telling him I'd gone out early.

I got into my beaten old truck and pushed it as fast as it could go, feeling the weight of every mile I forced out of it. I drove back to the same lookout Alice had taken me to two nights ago. I got out of the car happy because I didn't miss anything, and jumped up onto the hood of my truck. Now I just had to wait for the sunrise, as I had the perfect view over the town facing east. There was still a good cover of clouds about, but not too many on the horizon. Hopefully I'd be able to see enough of the sun for it to be worth it.

"Bella?"

"AH!" I jumped ten foot in the air as I heard a voice from behind me speak my name. I took a few shaky breaths and came to my senses, for I would know that voice anywhere.

"Edward?"

I turned and saw him standing next to my truck, looking as handsome as he ever did.

"I'm sorry I scared you. Did you mind if I joined you?"

I hesitated, not knowing what good would come from a conversation with Edward. But I did tell him we could be friends so I guess I had no choice.

"Of course, you don't have to ask, Edward."

He pushed himself up onto the hood of the car with me, and I scooted over to make room.

We sat there a little awkwardly, me just looking out at the town not saying anything.

I glanced at Edward and saw him staring down at my hands where his ring used to be.

I felt bad, "So, how are you?" How could we have gone from a year and half of being madly in love to this?

He lifted his head and smiled sadly, ignored the question, "I like your new look, it suits you."

"Thanks, Rose kind of went overboard afterward with the clothes."

"Yes, I heard from Alice that you would be in for a shock when shopping with Rosalie. It's nice you two have grown closer."

"How is she? Alice, I mean. She's been so sad and strange."

"Yes, well she's coping."

"Is that where she was yesterday? With you?"

He looked torn, as if he were debating telling me something.

"Edward?"

He sighed, "Yes, she was with me. She had some things to tell me and we had a lot to discuss."

"Tell you things? About her and Jasper?"

"In some capacity, yes. Other parts more… unexpected," his eyes took on a sudden intensity as spoke, "Bella, you know I'll always be here for you. No matter what you decide or where your future takes you, I'll always love you. As anything you want, even as a brother if you so chose. I just want you to be happy."

"Edward, what did Alice tell you?"

His skin started to take on a shimmery quality as the sun first peaked over the horizon in my peripherals.

"Look, a new day is beginning," he turned away from me and faced the sunrise, his skin's sparkle becoming more pronounced as he continued to speak, "It's so clear right now, the sun, with nothing surrounding it but its own bright, warm glow. It's so sad that it's going to have to be hidden behind all the clouds that lurk at the top of the sky in order to make it to the other horizon. But at the end of the day, everything around the sun becomes clear again, away from the clouds that masked it. And all that clouds the sun, well, makes what's clear again shine all the more brightly, don't you agree? "

I didn't answer him, but rather sat and watched the sun move across the sky.

I didn't know what he was talking about specifically, but I knew why he was telling me. No matter where I went in life, I would always have Edward. Edward was giving himself to me once more, as anything I desired him to be. He wasn't asking me to take him as my husband, but rather allowing me to chose how much I leant on him, how much I needed him, how much I loved him. I couldn't express what this meant to me, especially after all I'd put him through. I prayed to God that Edward would be truly happy one day and that whatever his analogy meant, he had the same kind of outcome as the sun.

We didn't move until the sun had fully raised, the clouds of Forks' weather beginning to swallow it up. I had to remember to watch today's sunset, to see if it when it went over the western horizon it would be visible once more.

"Would you like to come to the house, Bella? I'm sure you must want breakfast?"

"That sounds good. Lazing around your house is sure to be far better than lazing around my own."

Edward slid of the car and extended his hand, helping me off the hood, "The Cullen house is your house too, Bella. It always will be."

I got in the driver's seat of my truck and Edward in the passenger's. I knew how much he hated my driving, so it was touching to see this small sign of respect.

We drove over in silence to the house, except it didn't bother me now. This silence wasn't deafening, but comforting and I felt a new bond developing between us; that of friends. Maybe that wasn't such a laughable concept after all.

"What did you want for breakfast? I'll cook."

"Hmm, surprise me."

He just laughed and I kept driving, pulling up into the driveway of the house. I got out without any assistance from Edward and I was glad he didn't try to open my door for me. That wasn't his job anymore.

We walked into the kitchen together and I took a seat at the kitchen bench watching Edward gather ingredients.

"So, what are you cooking me?"

"I thought you said you wanted it to be a surprise?"

"Yes, but I forgot just what that could mean when it came to you. Don't cook me anything extravagant, ok?"

"Don't worry, Bella," he smiled crookedly at me, "I was just going to make you waffles. Or is that far too over the top for such a wholesome little breakfast?"

"Ha-Ha, very funny. Waffles are greatly appreciated, thank you."

He laughed and went about making me breakfast as we kept up the casual, teasing banter.

"Well hello, Bella. It feels like forever since I saw you last."

"I know what you mean. How've you been, Carlisle?"

He had whisked his way into the kitchen just as Edward put a plate of waffles and fruit down in front of me "I've been well. Of course, it's not like I could ever get sick, is it?"

He smiled and I laughed at his comment, "No, I suppose it is rather unlikely."

"Any plans for today? I can't imagine you'd be up for much after shopping with Rosalie yesterday. I like your hair by the way."

"Thanks, and you got that right. I was hoping to just take it easy today. Where is everybody anyway?"

It was Edward who answered, "Esme and Alice had errands to run and Emmett and Rosalie are out hunting. I was thinking of joining them actually; Emmett called my cell last night to say he smelt big game not far north of here."

"Mmm, really? I would go with you but I've got some paperwork that needs attending to from the hospital."

"Couldn't you just write that up in a second?" I asked Carlisle.

"I prefer doing it at a human pace, especially on my days off. It's more relaxing."

We all chatted for a little while longer as I finished up my waffles, (not surprisingly, they were absolutely delicious). Edward offered to wash my plate for me but I declined. After all, if they said this was my house too then who was I to shirk the responsibility?

"Well then, I'm going to see if I can find Emmett and Rose. Enjoy your day Carlisle, Bella."

I turned around from the sink to see Edward walk out of the kitchen and toward the back door, "Bye, Edward," I called to him.

When I finished washing my plate I asked Carlisle, who was now reading the paper, if I could go and raid their library.

"Please don't ask, Bella. I thought after all this time you would stop being so polite about everything."

I'd always been meaning to read through the books in the Cullen library, and occasionally I'd been in here with Edward to look at all the books. I'd never actually bothered to sit down in there and read though, much preferring to go back to Edward's room where I would always get distracted.

The library was on the second floor across the hallway from Carlisle's study. Although not enormous, the room was certainly at least several times the size of Edward's bedroom. The library was decorated in a sort of masculine, dark wood and maroon fabric theme with the books organised on the shelves by genre and then author, just like a real library. I most looked forward to sinking into the large squishy arm chairs Esme had put in the room; I could sink half way through the earth in those things.

When I opened the door I wasn't expecting to see Jasper sitting on one of the couches, and let out a small gasp at the sudden sight of him.

"I'm sorry, did I frighten you?" he asked me from his chair in the middle of the room.

"No, no, it's ok. I just wasn't expecting anyone to be in here. I waited for my heart to slow down before I spoke again, "I didn't mean to disturb you."

"You didn't. I wasn't really reading anyway," he held up the book he had opened in front of him and I stepped closer so I could read the title.

"_Civil War Photography?_"

"Yes, it helps me to remember."

"Oh, really? I suppose it must be hard to remember something so long ago?"

"And the difference between human eyes and vampire eyes doesn't help either."

"If you don't mind me asking, why do you want to remember the war?"

Jasper gestured for me to take a seat in one of the armchairs, "It's not that I like remembering the violence or the war, but it's rather that it makes me who I am. Sometimes, when you can live forever, you forget everything and focus only on the now, because the past is too far gone and the future's forever. It keeps me in perspective."

I'd never really understood why people described Jasper as charming, his scary demeanour always being the first thing I noticed. But over the past few days he'd managed to completely capture my attention in the small conversations we'd had, and it really was amazing. I'm not sure what it was that made him so likeable, but he just had this aura about him that made you want to be around him. Once you got past the scary, militant vampire side of him that is.

"Besides, I've come across some photos of people I knew in these books. Even people I've fought with."

"Have you ever found a picture of yourself?"

Jasper laughed, "Not yet, although I don't know if I'd even recognise myself if I did. It's strange, how my death and birth is captured in these photos so long ago…"

"Yet you haven't changed?"

"Exactly. It's odd to think it'll never stop. Or never start rather. Even after 150 years it's still so foreign."

I sat there absorbing what he had to say. Jasper was so old, the second eldest of all the Cullens. Yet I never really thought of him as more than an entity, someone who was partner to Alice and helped the family out last year. I think I had severely underestimated Jasper. Although it was strange sitting here and not saying anything to Jasper about his relationship with Alice, considering it had been in the forefront of my mind for the past few days. What was even weirder was him not knowing that I knew all these things about his relationship.

"I guess it's something I can't even imagine, can I?"

"No, I don't suppose you could. Don't let me keep you though, I'm sure you wanted to read by coming in here did you not?"

"Um, well actually now I'm kind of interested in that book you're reading. Did you mind if I looked at it with you?"

Jasper smiled at me rather sweetly, "Of course, Bella."

He stood up and moved to the matching sofa in the room and I sat down next to him.

He laughed as I sunk down deep into the chair's upholstery, "Was there anything in particular you wished to look at?"

"Um, not really. I don't much about the civil war, just what they've taught me in school."

Jasper let go of his page and went back to the very beginning, opening up at the first page.

I'd never really had a huge interest in American History, only taking it in school for lack of a better option. But something about hearing it from Jasper made it the most fascinating event in all of human history. He took every old photograph that was printed in the book and elaborated on it, expanding each printed tale with one of his own. Sometimes I couldn't tell if he was talking about the Civil War of the southern vampire wars because the way he recalled details with such clarity was amazing. When we reached photos of the fallen soldiers, Jasper would get this forlorn look on his face that made me want to hug him. I barely said anything, much preferring to listen to Jasper's melodic voice as he recounted stories from the country's past.

I knew the hours were passing by the faint shadows of the furniture moving across the room but it didn't feel like any time was passing it all. I was caught in a moment of history with Jasper and everything else was standing still, completely irrelevant to what I was hearing.

Jasper's voice seemed to take me away to the Civil War itself, as if I could feel and see and smell and taste and hear everything he said he could at the time. I had no doubt I would have continued to be captivated by Jasper's stories had a human moment not so rudely interrupted.

"Jasper, I'm sorry but I have to go to the bathroom. If you could wait a minute…?"

Jasper laughed again, breaking out of his deep train of thought, "Of course, Bella. But are you sure you wouldn't like something to eat? It must be around noon."

It was true, it had to have been at least eleven thirty, "I suppose you're right. I am a little hungry."

"I would offer to make you something, but I don't believe I've even touched human food in a year."

"It's ok, Jasper I can fend for myself."

I stood up and made to leave the library, opening the door.

"Oh and, Bella?"

"Hmm?" I turned back to see him smirking at me.

"As for your new look… well, I don't want to say sexy, but I really cannot think of another word for it."

Did we like? I would have liked to expand it and flesh it out more with writing some of the stories Jasper told Bella but I know nothing about the Civil War except of what I've learnt off the Simpsons and True Blood haha. I would've researched it but it's not important, and I didn't want to risk getting it wrong and offending someone. Anyway, There'll probably be another chapter up same time tomorrow, as I seem to be getting them done once every 24 hours or so. Please keep reading and reviewing me suggestions as to what you want Bella to 'experience.' 10 points if you can correctly decipher Edward's metaphor.


	9. Some Kind Of Wonderful

Not the longest chapter, but I think you'll all enjoy it…

I splashed my cheeks with a little cold water to try and diminish the blush that was spread across them so prominently. I knew he had to have been joking, but I was still embarrassed that Jasper had called me sexy.

It was strange because although I'd been trying to feel confident and sexy by changing my look, as soon as someone said what I was hoping to achieve, I shrivelled up and died of embarrassment. Or maybe it was just because it was Jasper who said it.

I had to admit I was certainly taken in by his charisma over the past few hours. He seemed like the type of guy who could have gotten any girl back when he was human. A total charmer.

Not to mention the fact that Jasper could tell everything I was feeling; even my embarrassment now.

I finished up in the bathroom and went to the kitchen, trying to save face by stuffing it with food.

However when I got in there Carlisle and Jasper were too, sitting at the kitchen table and speaking about something that didn't look overly important.

"I thought you had paperwork to do?"

"Yes, I do, but unfortunately I can't take my mind off all the big game Emmett keeps texting me about, Bella. Are you sure you don't want to come with me, Jasper? I'm sure Emmett won't like the competition of another good hunter."

"I'm sure he wouldn't, but you'll annoy him just fine, Carlisle. Besides, I'm not in the mood hunt."

This took Carlisle by surprise, "Not in the mood to hunt? Well then, I suppose I'll be on my way. Call if you decide to come, won't you? I would extend the same invitation to you, Bella but," he turned to smile at me, "somehow I don't think you'd be interested."

I giggled as he walked out of the kitchen, leaving Jasper and I alone once more.

I started to raid the fridge, a question burning on the tip of my tongue.

"Curious, Bella?" I heard from over my shoulder.

"Well, I just was wondering why you weren't in the mood to hunt? I didn't think any of you would ever pass up the opportunity."

"I don't wish to speak ill of my family, but honestly, Rose has been rather foul lately."

"Really? She was fine yesterday."

"She hides it well. Besides, ever since calling it off with Edward, you've been an absolute joy to be around, Bella. Particularly the other night, and I'd rather pass up the opportunity to hunt than give up a good emotional climate for a bad one."

I blushed a little at his comment about the other night, as I pulled out everything I needed to create a chicken and salad sandwich.

"You're certainly embarrassed easily, aren't you, Bella?" he cocked his eyebrow at me and smirked a little.

"I can't help it. I just blush a lot," this further increased what was a small blush to now quite a prominent one.

"You just have no confidence, you never do. You always seem self conscious in some form or another."

I went about making the sandwich, buttering the bread, "Well, I'm trying to change that. I don't want to be the blushing idiot forever, you know."

"Bella, you may lack self esteem, but by no means are you idiot. Edward tells me you're quite intelligent and from your recent decisions, I couldn't agree more. Besides, your blush is quite endearing; it shows humility. A trait that is scarcely seen in this family, I can assure you."

Although he was speaking generally, I couldn't help but wonder if he was thinking of Alice.

"How could you possibly call me intelligent after you had to rescue me from getting stuck inside a child's playground at McDonalds? Somehow that doesn't scream 'great thinker' to me."

"Maybe not, but you certainly are curious. And curiosity leads to discovery, Bella. You should remember that. Don't ever be afraid to ask questions."

He stared at me expectantly like he knew I had something to ask him, which he probably did; I was burning with interest as I had been for the past few days.

"You can tell I'm nosy, huh?" I stared down into my lettuce feeling a little guilty.

"Not nosy… I'd call it concerned more than anything else. I take you've heard about mine and Alice's recent, uh, problems?"

I didn't look at him, "Little pieces here and there. I don't mean to pry."

"Trust me Bella, _you're_ not prying. Although the same cannot be said for other women in this family…"

"Rosalie?"

"Mmhmm, everyone else attempts to tune out our conversations to try and give us privacy, but not Rose; she sits up and pays attention at any hint of animosity."

"So that's why she knows such personal things…"

"What's she been telling you?"

Crap. Me and my big mouth. I looked up and saw that Jasper was looking at me with a defensive expression, though he still looked a little hurt. I couldn't tell him that I knew he and Alice weren't being intimate anymore. Neither I nor Rose should have ever spoken about that, briefly as we did.

"Oh, nothing it's nothing. I'm sorry, I mentioned anything I-"

I stopped myself before I started to ramble too much. I pursed my lips and looked down at my now made sandwich; it didn't look very appetising.

I ate my food standing, Jasper sitting there while staring out the window. It was awkward but neither of us left the room. Whenever I glanced up at Jasper I could see his face was sad. Not just sad, but lonely too. I had a feeling he knew what Rosalie had told me, and I wanted to tell him that he shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed. But I knew if I mentioned it things would only get more uncomfortable.

I finished my sandwich and began putting all the things I had used away. I felt horrible for Jasper. At least mine and Edward's problems were somewhat private, but his were everybody's business.

"Don't feel like that. It's not your fault."

I sighed, "I know, but I still feel bad. You know, I may not give the best advice or anything, but I did just go through some hard times with Edward. If you do ever want to talk about anything, I'm here for you."

I didn't say this out of curiosity or interest, but because I knew what it was like to have everything to say to the person you loved, but you just couldn't find the words. I didn't want Jasper to suffer either. Alice had Edward apparently, as they'd talked her problems over the past two nights. But who did Jasper have? He never really associated with anyone on a personal level, or at least that's what I'd observed. He'd had Alice to talk about his problems and that was all he'd needed until now.

I turned to pick up my plate so I could wash it in the sink, but saw that Jasper was already doing it. He had also cleared up the other mess I had created.

"You didn't have to do that. I should've cleaned it up," I said to his back, as he stared down at the plate he was washing.

"Sometimes we need others to help us clean up the mess we've made."

I didn't know what to say to him. Was he asking for my help? Or just changing the topic?

"I'm sure you know that Alice and I've been like this for a while now. Even if you've only just picked up on it."

"Ye-yes, I know," I had to let him do the talking. He should only tell me what he wanted to tell me.

"Alice has been strange since, well… Do you remember when James was after you, and we three had to stay in that hotel together?"

Where was he going with this, "How could I forget?"

"You were asleep, and Alice had a vision – several visions actually – it was so peculiar. Her eyes just kept clouding over for about five minutes straight, coming out of one vision and into the next. Everything was so hectic at the time, and there must've been a lot that was as stake, so I could understand why there would be so many possible outcomes the future could take. What I didn't understand was why she started crying after it. She just… sobbed. When I tried to comfort her she'd push me away and tell me to leave her alone. I didn't of course; I'd never been more scared. It just went on like that for hours until eventually you woke up, and we had to go back to pretending like nothing was wrong for your sake. You were petrified and we had to think of the family. Besides, if any of it was relevant to the James situation, Alice would have said something. But she didn't, so I guess it wasn't."

I didn't know what this had to do with anything, but I waited the few seconds it took for Jasper to take a deep breath and continue, still not facing me.

"After all that was over, Alice approached our physical relationship with, uh, a lot more vigour than usual. Obviously I wasn't complaining, but it was strange; she was so persistent we be together all the time. Even after your birthday… when I thought she would be mad and hate me for attacking you, she was still so determined to try and… well you get it. I often hesitated, because I could feel what she was feeling when she would approach me. It wasn't really with any love or even lust, but rather worry and concern. She was terrified half the time that I would say no. One time she was so scared that I did tell her no. I wouldn't unless she told me why she was being like this. She didn't though and told me to trust her, which of course I did. I've always been weak when it came to refusing Alice."

He kind of laughed on his last sentence, but it wasn't from humour.

"A few months ago, around the time of Victoria's little invasion, I caught it happening again; the multiple visions. She was in our room just sitting there, watching as a million different things flashed before her eyes. She cried again and I tried to comfort her but she told me to go away. Once again, I didn't. I tried to calm her but she wouldn't have it, so I just sat there and watched as she cried, having no clue what to do for her.

"A few more weeks passed and all of a sudden it was like everything shifted. She wasn't scared or worried anymore, just totally determined. All her actions revolved around your wedding which at first I thought was great, now she would have something to focus on other than what was worrying her. But honestly, Bella, I thought Alice was going to hold a gun to your head to make you marry Edward. It was all she thought about and didn't have time for me anymore. Any contact with each other stopped and it was like our relationship didn't matter, only yours and Edward's and making sure you two got married. I'm not saying it to be rude, Bella. It was just how I felt."

"It's ok, I understand." My heart was breaking for him, literally breaking.

"And then the other day, it happened again. She just sat there and had all these visions at once when I thought they'd stopped. Apparently not. This time though it was worse. Only Rose and Emmett were in the house and Rose wasn't going to let Emmett stop us from making it worse. Alice was in complete panic mode when she came out of her trance, her emotions out of control. She was screaming at me, saying that she wasn't good enough, that she didn't know what to do, that she'd tried to be the best wife she could. I had no idea what she was talking about and running on the emotions she was giving off, I too started to yell at her. About how she was so distant, so uncaring, not willing to try and fix what she'd broken. We were both out of line, but of course it all just got more heated. Alice started to throw things, anything she could get her hands on in the room; her shoes, the table, chairs… her wedding ring," his voice choked up but he quickly recovered, "she told me to leave, that she didn't want me anymore. So I _did _leave. Rose only then tried to stop me, Emmett running upstairs to Alice. Rose was telling me not to leave, that she was sorry to have not stepped in earlier. That I could talk to her about it, but I knew she was just trying to find out everything. So I got in my truck and drove away, just like Alice wanted me to."

So that was why he left the other day. It was worse than I'd imagined. I was crying just listening to him speak.

"Edward and Carlisle didn't really know why they were coming to get me when they went to try and convince me to come home. They'd just be told Alice and I had a big fight and Alice had told me to leave. I didn't know what I was going to do, so I did eventually come home. You were there, sitting with Alice who had her wedding notebook out. She also still didn't have her wedding ring on."

"J-Jasper, I… I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, Bella. When we went upstairs to talk, Alice told me that she was sorry, but didn't know what to do. So we left it at that; nothing resolved. I went for a run to try and clear my head, which was when you were all heading out to dinner. That was the last night I saw Alice. I don't where she's been."

I couldn't believe it. Was that all true? I felt disgusted and upset and confused and ran up to Jasper and hugged him, wrapping my arms around him from behind. I cried onto his shirt and I shed tears for him, because I knew he couldn't. He was shaking very slightly, but otherwise remained still. I pressed myself into his back, hugging him tighter. I hoped he could feel just _how much _I felt for him and we stayed like that for a while.

Eventually though, he pried my arms off him enough so he could turn around to face me. His expression was shattered, full of heartbreak and I felt my tears start to come out again in full force. Then very slowly, he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me back.

And there we stayed, wrapped in each other's arms for some time. Neither of us said anything, but it was because we didn't have to. Jasper could feel everything I was feeling and at some point Jasper allowed me to feel everything that he was feeling too. This caused me to cry a little harder, but it was ok, because he was opening up. By telling me his story and allowing his emotions to run through my body, he had just exposed himself in a way that allowed me to see his very soul; his heartache, his pain, his fear. No one had ever allowed me to see something like that, not even Edward. I was barely starting to get to know Jasper's hobbies and interests, but those things didn't matter. With one conversation I felt like I knew everything that mattered about Jasper Whitlock; that he was hurting and that he needed me.

After wanting to know so badly, I didn't even want to think about what he'd said. It only made me resent Alice and I just couldn't do that, because I knew she was hurting too. It was just that she went to Edward, and Jasper had no one to go to. So instead of thinking about what Jasper had said, I just felt. Felt for him and all his problems and on some selfish level, all my problems that had played an insignificant part in his story. Once again I was caught up in another time and place with Jasper, except this time it was a place that was dark and intense, not some whimsical adventure to the 19th century. It was awful yet surreal and wonderful being with Jasper in this strange way. I wondered if he and Alice every stood like this, sharing and reciprocating each other's emotions and absorbing them, getting lost in the other person's soul?

I knew that Jasper felt this too because I could _feel _it. I could feel the same darkness in him, the same surrealism, the same wonder, the same strange serenity despite my incessant tears. The connection was powerful and truly some kind of wonderful.

But I was getting selfish, finding such a strange pleasure in this passionate pain. I didn't feel guilty though, because I could feel Jasper's satisfaction too. His satisfaction from what we were sharing, what he was receiving from me in return for his gift of pain. I almost didn't want to immerge.

But we had to eventually, and when we let go of each other we were brought back to reality in the kitchen. I wanted to ask him if he had shared that with anyone else but I didn't. There was an immediate understanding that fell between us; we wouldn't speak of it again or risk losing the extraordinariness of it all. It would be our special secret that no one else needed to know about, the bond we now shared.

Feedback? Please? Thanks.


	10. Another End

I must say, I hate this chapter. Totally hate it. But it's been sitting on my computer since my last update and I've yet to come up with anything better. So I figured I'd best upload it before you all get sick of my story. Sorry it took so long, but I've got like 5 weeks of school left before I graduate so it's fairly hectic. I'll try to be more frequent and have better content. Sorry again.

"That's ridiculous! He's wearing a digital watch, look at that!"

"Calm down, Major. It's just a movie."

"All I'm asking for is a little historical accuracy. Is that too much?"

"When the movie's not actually about the war but some horrid, raunchy love story surrounding a soldier and his best friend's daughter then yeah, I'd say you've gotten your hopes up."

"I suppose you're right. I should've had my suspicions when I saw it was called, '_Setting Civil Sun_."

We were sitting in front of the massive television, watching some peculiar movie done all in a sepia filter, with erotic undertones masked under the illusion that it was about the Civil War. I'd leaped at the chance to watch it when I was flicking through the channels, Jasper and I both at a loss of what to view. After our intimate kitchen experience, we didn't feel like going back to the library, but rather doing something a little less personal. So when I suggested T.V. it seemed like the perfect opportunity to stop any potential awkwardness that might arise after our strange incident.

"You don't really want to watch this do you, Bella? I mean I appreciate the sentiment, but it's total garbage."

"You don't like it?" I asked in sarcastically, eyes widened.

"I'm offended you think so little of my taste," he responded just as dryly as I'd intended him to.

The afternoon passed in much the same fashion; bad television shows with our own commentary on just how low society had sunk.

"I'm sorry but I just don't get the appeal of this show."

"Well I think the idea is that we're meant to be laughing at their idiocy, because they're such _high profile_ celebrities and they're stuck in the Australian outback. But what I really love is just watching their egos being continually beaten down."

"Bella, I had no idea you were so cruel; I like it."

You know you enjoy spending time with someone when all the theatrics are stripped away and you think watching bad television is one of the most entertaining pastimes in the world. Jasper really was someone I could picture having lazy afternoons with, not caring about anything else that was happening in the world. And at that point I didn't. Didn't care about anything else that was going on other than the horrid shows that were playing and the new friend I'd found, who I'd immediately connected with once given the chance to.

I suppose it was similar to that of Edward and mine's instant connection on some level, in the sense that indeed it was an immediate bond. But something was different about what I was feeling right now, spread out on the couch. The difference being that apparently, I could just_ be_ with Jasper; exist. With Edward there was so much all the time, even in the very early stages of our relationship it was like the intensity never ceased. At the time I thought this was a good thing but never once could I relax with Edward, and in only a few short hours Jasper had taken me out of my own insecurity and into this little bubble of contentment. I was amazed, although a little suspicious.

"Jasper?"

"Mmm?"

"Have you been using your powers today? I mean, you haven't been trying to make me feel so relaxed or comfortable, right?"

He cocked his eyebrow cheekily, "You feel comfortable around me?"

"I'm serious. I barely ever feel so at ease as I am right now or even in the library earlier. Have you been calming me?"

"If you were hoping for some kind of magical intervention that explained your placated mood then I'm sorry to disappoint. No involvement on my part."

"I guess I just enjoy spending time with you then."

"Is that so shocking?"

"Well, yes actually. I've never really felt drawn to you before but today's proven how well we get along, don't you think?"

He just smiled at me and extended an arm for me cuddle into his side. This was new but not entirely unexpected. After all, we had just had a much more intimate moment a few hours ago in the kitchen.

So I didn't think about it but just moved over to him and leaned against his torso, embracing the cool skin I felt through his shirt. He put his arm around me and I put my head on his shoulder. I loved their touch, I really did. It didn't matter who it was, the Cullens' temperature never ceased to give me tingles and allow me to feel oddly peaceful. Jasper was flicking through the channels again, a little too fast for me to actually comprehend what he was passing. As I breathed I couldn't help but pick up on his scent, like fresh rain.

There was something so clean about it, strange in comparison to how old he really was. It also wasn't as sweet as the other Cullens', but intoxicating nonetheless. I was so comfortable on Jasper's shoulder, as if he wasn't as hard as a rock and I let my eyes close. I fell into a light sleep that I dozed in and out of throughout the rest of the afternoon, until my ears picked up on someone arriving home.

"So there you are. I was wondering when you would finally come home." He muted the television.

"You know where I was, Jasper. "

"I'm just going to take these upstairs…" Esme's voice spoke. I kept my eyes shut.

"You know I don't mean shopping, Alice."

"I was dealing with some things. I was with Edward in the forest talking."

"So you can talk to Edward about it but you can't talk to me about it?"

"Exactly," it came out so coldly that I actually felt a surge of anger toward Alice, at which point Jasper squeezed my arm lightly.

"So you've been in the forest the whole two nights then?"

"Yes, Edward can back me up. Just, please, Jasper, you know our time together is… running thin."

He squeezed my arm a little tighter, "But it doesn't _have_ to. Alice, what do you mean? I don't understand."

"Just trust me, Jasper."

"You always say that and never tell me what's going on. It's unfair. Why should I trust you?"

"How about because I'm your wife?"

"Your lack of wedding ring says otherwise." Now it was Jasper's turn to sound cold.

"This isn't easy for me either, you know? It's not like I'm enjoying watching our relationship fall apart," her voice was shaky, like in the car the other night. Why didn't Jasper tell me to leave? That it wasn't my place to be hearing this? He knew I was awake because my emotions were running all over the place; anger, fear, shock, sadness.

"At least you have some idea about what's going to happen! I'm in the dark and you refuse to tell me anything!"

"Because if I told you then we'd all be miserable in the long run! Did you ever stop to think I didn't tell you anything for a reason, huh? That I might be a little more clued in than you're giving me credit for? I'm just trying to do what's best!" she was sobbing her words out now, "But you're right, our marriage is over, Jasper so you can take that stupid ring you've got on and get rid of it too. I've tried everything I can think of and it's just not working! Nothing will! And for God's sake, Bella open your eyes! I know you're awake!"

My eyes snapped open and I caught the last glimpse of Alice's dress moving up the stairs.

We just sat there in the same position as before, me curled onto his side and Jasper's arm around me as we ignored the baseball game that was still playing on the television.

Had I truly just witnessed that?

I didn't know what to think.

I wiggled my way out from under Jasper's arm and stood up. He looked up at me with such a pain in his eyes it was crippling to watch. I thought he was going to cry.

I extended my hand to him which he took after a moment's hesitation. Our fingers intertwined as I lead him to the front door and out to my truck.

He got in the passenger's side without question and looked out the windshield. I started my much loved rust bucket and headed to a place I hoped would make him feel if just a tiny bit better. As I drove, I slowly felt little parts of Jasper's emotion seeping into my system. He wasn't unleashing the flood gates like before, but he was still generous. A few tears escaped me as I took the turn up onto the look out, turning my car so that it faced westward.

I got out of the truck and Jasper followed suit as I jumped up on the hood for the second time that day.

"I was here with Edward this morning, and he said something that made me think."

Jasper didn't respond so I continued, "He said that the sun wouldn't be hid behind clouds on either horizon but the clouds hid it throughout the rest of the day, or something like that. He said it a lot more poetically though. But I think the point he was trying to make was that in the beginning of whatever journey we're about to embark on, everything's clear and we're comfortable with our lives. It's easy. But then there are obstacles that get in our way, the clouds. And even if it rains, hails or snows the sun is still moving across the sky. It doesn't stop, even in the dreary weather of Forks. And then finally, when the end of the day, our journey, finally comes… everything gets better. It's ok again despite all the troubles we faced in the process to get there. Am I making sense?"

Jasper faced me and force a weak smile, "Yes, and it's very sweet. But it's hard to believe that anything good will ever come out of not being with Alice. She's my life, Bella, my everything."

I wasn't going to lecture him about how he shouldn't say that to someone unless he knew who he was first, because his situation was totally different to mine. He'd been alive for over one hundred and fifty years; surely Jasper knew who he was. Despite the differences in our situations, I still had to help him.

"Well, I know it's hard but please don't give up. It _will _be ok, Jasper. I'll see to it personally that it is."

We just sat there and watched the western sky, waiting for the sun to appear again. I sincerely hoped Edward was right and that I'd be able to see it. I didn't know why it was important, but I just felt like it was. That there could be some sort of light at the end of the tunnel for Jasper. What that light was I didn't know yet, but I was confident that he'd find it one day.

Sure enough, after a several minutes of peace, the sun broke through the clouds on the horizon for a fleeting few minutes that made Jasper's skin sparkle brightly.

"See? I told you you'd be able to see the sun again." I turned to face him again, looking for some hint of hope in Jasper's eyes.

There was a little, but it was very faint and I couldn't tell whether or not he forcing it. Jasper just gave me the same small smile as before and extended his arm again, allowing me to lean into his side.

It wasn't until the sun was almost completely hidden behind the horizon that Jasper spoke, "If you ever need me for anything, you know you can always ask, right?"

He didn't look at me, but just stared out in front of himself. His face had changed to a blank expression "I'll hold you to that," I half laughed, "but let's just focus on you for a while."

So yeah, hope you enjoyed it. Wish I could say I enjoyed writing it, but it was kind of like beating my head against the keyboard. Please review and let me know what you did/didn't like. It might help me get out of the writer's funk I'm in.


	11. Dreams Come True

Once again I apologise for taking a while to upload this. I'm trying to get them up as soon as I can. I have a feeling you'll all enjoy this chapter; it's extra long for a very good reason.

The next few weeks were bizarre, if only because nothing too bizarre actually happened.

Jasper moved his stuff into the library and the family kept functioning, despite two couples now breaking up, disrupting the usual household dynamics.

Jasper didn't really talk about it, but he was dealing with it in his own strange way. We'd often be together and I'd just get a hint of despair from him, or a few tears would escape me despite feeling perfectly content before. It was strange, but it seemed to be working; as the days went by he did it less and less.

The only noticeable change was Alice and Jasper didn't speak a lot, and when they did it was stiff and awkward. Not like Edward and me who had remarkably been able to coexist peacefully, talking and hanging out in family situations. I had inkling it was all Carlisle and Esme's doing, that they'd spoken to their other children, namely Rose and Emmett, about keeping everything civil. The really did love everyone too much to risk having their family split apart.

Alice apologised for snapping at me a few days later, "I'm sorry, Bella I just… it's not your fault."

I told her it was ok and we moved on. No need to create unnecessary drama.

Jasper and I also grew even closer, often just sitting together watching movies or reading.

I never admitted it to Jasper verbally, and had a hard enough time admitting it to myself, but I enjoyed it when he would place his arm around me because truth be told, I missed the icy touch of a male vampire.

It sounds strange, but it was true.

I loved when Jasper would hold me sometimes or play with my hair teasingly. It wasn't that it reminded me of Edward, but it was just nice to have some sort of physical connection with another person. No other Cullen would put their arm around me and let me lean on them, or rest their head on my shoulder as Jasper grew to do over the weeks post break up. Emmett would jokingly push me around, and one of the others might give me a hug on greeting, but there was something so much more intimate about it with Jasper.

He would often cock his eyebrow at me when he could feel my little rises in joy thanks to him, but he never said anything.

Sometimes it was embarrassing being friends with Jasper.

Like when we would watch lame scary movies such as '_House of Wax_' for a laugh, and I'd genuinely get scared.

"Shut up, Jasper."

"I didn't say anything…"

"I know what you were going to say. I can't help it. It freaks me out."

Jasper just laughed and continued watching.

It was at a time like this that Edward would often say something along the lines of, "You're sitting next to a vampire and you're scared of the _movie?"_

But Jasper never did. At least not from what I'd observed. He rarely mentioned his vampirism in any conversations we had and if it would ever come up, it wasn't a huge deal. What came up most was his emotional ability, as it was what directly affected me the most.

"Why so sad, Bella?"

"Oh, it's nothing."

He raised his eyebrow at me. God, that was annoying… how had I not noticed he did that before?

"It's just… you're going to laugh."

"Do I ever laugh at you?"

"Yes, frequently."

"Fair enough, but I still want to know."

"Of course you do."

We were sitting in my truck, (something I'd been driving more often the past few weeks) outside of my house. We'd been hanging out at the house before I realised I needed to cook dinner for Charlie soon. Jasper offered to come with me having obviously noticed my melancholic mood.

"It's just the date."

"The date?"

"It's August 13th."

He sat there staring at me for a bit before the penny finally dropped.

"Oh, today was supposed to be your…"

"Yes, my wedding day."

I'd been surprised no one brought it up at the house, but all was ignored as if it were any other day.

"Why did you think I would laugh?"

"Well, it's just I was the one to call it off. I shouldn't be feeling sad. It's ridiculous."

He put his hand on my elbow, "Bella, it's perfectly fine to feel sad about you and Edward not being together."

"But, I'm _not _sad about Edward and me not getting married. It's just nostalgia I suppose."

"Nostalgia for what?"

"I don't know; a purpose?"

He looked at me thoughtfully and began stroking my elbow with his thumb. I shivered a little.

"I can see why that might be difficult for you. Not having a goal of sorts to aim toward."

"Hmm… it's not even that."

"Then what?"

I took a deep breath, "Well, when I first called it off with Edward, I swore I was going to live life to the fullest and experience everything that was out there. And so far I've done nothing. Zip."

Jasper looked down at his lap and took his hand off my arm.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, that's partly my fault. I've kind of been demanding all of your attention for the past few weeks, haven't I?"

"Oh no, Jasper! No, it's not your fault. I just haven't bothered, that's all. And besides, you needing me is a lot more important than chasing some stupid adrenaline ride."

This time it was my turn to hold his elbow, as I tried to re-establish eye contact with him.

"Jasper?"

He looked up at me slowly, "Bella, how do you know you did the right thing?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Breaking it off with Edward. Was there a sign or something, to tell you that you've made the right choice? Not being with him?"

It took me a little off guard, and Jasper felt it.

"I'm sorry, if you don't want to talk about it…"

"No, no it's fine. It just took me by surprise, that's all."

I sat there for a second and thought. Was there a sign? Any sort of reassurance that leaving Edward was the right path for me?

Yes, there was.

"Well, it was the day before I broke up with him actually. At least, I think it was; my memory's a little fuzzy. I had a dream."

"A dream?"

"Mhm, I was flying. I don't really remember the details as such, but just that Edward didn't come over that night so I went to sleep and dreamt of flying. I woke up in a great mood even though Edward still hadn't arrived."

"You think it was your subconscious telling you that you needed to be free of Edward?"

"Something along those lines, yes. Why?"

He grabbed my hand that was on his elbow and held it up to his mouth, kissing my knuckles, "I need to know that Alice is right. That it's all for the best. I can't exactly rely on a dream to tell me like you, but I just want some reassurance."

"Jasper, everything is going to be fine, I promise."

"I'm kind of beginning to see that, I guess. I've certainly come further than I thought I would considering it's only been several weeks. I have you to thank for that, Bella. I think I'd still be a quivering mess if you weren't here to help."

I took my hand from his and swept the hair that had fallen in his eyes behind his ears, "You can count on me for anything."

He smiled genuinely at me and I could tell this sad moment had passed, "I know, and I'd like to repay the favour if that's alright."

"What do you mean?" I was instantly suspicious when I saw the smile be replaced with a grin.

"Please? I promise it's nothing materialistic. I just want to thank you for being there for me. Can I pick you up tomorrow at noon?"

"Uh…" I didn't know what to say.

"Oh come on, you can't be that disagreeable to gifts. You'll really regret it if you say no…"

"Fine," I sighed, "but nothing over the top, okay? No diamonds, no fast engines, got it?"

"Got it. I've got to go make a phone call. I'll see you tomorrow; wear something appropriate."

And with a flash he disappeared from the cab of my truck.

I woke up around 10 o'clock the next morning a little nervous and excited at the same time.

I decided to lose myself in the curiosity and practically skipped my way to the bathroom. I took my sweet time, washing my hair and body slowly. As I got out and started blow drying my hair I heard my mobile ring. It was just the message tone; I could get it later. Who would be texting me though? Jasper? Did he even have my number? I'd never given it to him, but I assumed the family would have at some point.

As I began applying the thin eyeliner and mascara that I'd been getting used to ever since my first hair cut, I suddenly realised I had no idea what I was going to wear.

_Wear something appropriate._

What the hell did that mean!? I had no idea what we were even doing let alone how to dress for it. I left the bathroom wrapped up in my towel and decided to rifle through my closet for something that might be appropriate for an activity that I had no idea about.

As I walked past the bed I saw my phone still flashing.

_Wear the sundress that I bought you a few months ago. The light yellow one with the white trim on the top and bottom. Love Al x_

A sundress? Mustn't be too hard an activity then. That put my mind at ease knowing that whatever he had planned, Jasper wasn't going to make me scale a mountain or something.

I looked at my alarm clock and realised I was probably running a little behind. It was already a quarter to twelve. I threw on the dress that was stashed at the back of my closet and a pair of brown flats, grabbing whatever else I needed from my room as I ran down to the kitchen.

I put some toast in the toaster then sculled the last little bit of milk from the bottle.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that's unsanitary?"

I jumped and spun around as my toast popped. Jasper was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, staring at me with his eyebrow raised again.

"What do you care? You don't drink it."

"I was only thinking of Charlie, of course."

"Of course."

I threw the now empty milk container in the garbage and grabbed the toast.

"So, you're wearing that are you?"

"What? Don't you like it?"

"On the contrary, I like it very much. I just thought you might have chosen something else."

"Well you didn't tell me what we were doing so how was I supposed to know? Besides, Alice told me to wear this; she was gracious enough to send me a text."

"Alice told you to wear that?" his eyebrows scrunched together a little, "Well, ok then… finish your toast and let's go. We've got to be there by two."

"Be where?"

"Seattle."

What should have been at least a three and a half hour car ride took less than two with Jasper. It was the first time I'd been in his truck and only the second time I'd ever seen it. The big, black one I'd seen him come out of the day Alice told him to leave all those weeks ago. It was as nice as expected; beige interior, fancy stereo system, delicious smell.

Jasper didn't seem overly impressed with it though, not mentioning anything about the car unless I brought it up.

"I just needed something to get around in when I couldn't run, or the others weren't driving."

He also didn't mention anything about what we were doing despite my nagging and whining the whole way there.

"No, Bella it's a surprise. You'll like it, ok? Relax."

He didn't actually drive into Seattle, but just on the outskirts of the beginning of the city. We drove down a gravel road that led off the highway and I caught my first glimpse of what was to come.

"_Over The Rainbow Balloon Flights next left?_" I read off the big colourful sign on the side of the road, "uh, Jasper? Explain."

"It's a hot air balloon ride," he grinned at me cheekily.

"I know that now! Do you know how high that is? Jasper, please…"

"Please what? I thought you wanted to try new things. Besides, this is the closest I could get to you flying without throwing you out of aeroplane."

"What do you mean flying?"

"Your dream," he shrugged, "I thought since you enjoyed the dream so much and the whole concept of being free, you might enjoy the balloon ride once you were forced to get on it. The views, the breeze; just like flying."

I sat there flabbergasted at his words. That was by far one of the sweetest things anyone had ever said to me. He wanted to make my dreams come true… I thought I was going to cry.

"Oh, Jasper that's incredible. You didn't have to do this though, truly you didn't."

"Like I told you yesterday, you've been amazing to me these past weeks. I'm only getting through it because of you. Now, are you going to do this? Or is all my bribery and coercion going to be completely wasted?"

"What?" I laughed as he pulled up next to a silver minivan in front of a huge, deflated hot air balloon.

He just flashed me another grin as we got out of the car and I followed him over to a tall, athletic looking man and a portly one with a moustache.

"It's about time," the athletic one said in a gruff, impatient tone, "here, sign and read these while we set up the balloon."

He thrust two pieces of paper and pens at us which Jasper took from him politely. We read through the waiver, signed it and waited for the men to finish setting up. It was fascinating to watch them blow the giant fan and light the fire. Truly a spectacle. In the fifteen minutes it took them my stomach was beginning to squirm. What if something went wrong? It's really high…

"Don't worry, Bella, I'll be there."

Then I felt the calm come over me that I knew was Jasper's influence and I was grateful for the intrusion. I had to do this.

"Right, we're done. Seriously, do you know how much trouble we'll be in if something goes wrong? You'd better know how to fly one of these things. You ain't supposed to go up there by yourself."

"I read a book on it last night," Jasper said dryly, although he probably wasn't kidding like the man thought he was.

The balloon now stood tall in the sky and was waiting for us to board the basket.

"Me and brad will be following you in our van so when you land we can you drive back 'ere, alright?"

Jasper nodded and thanked the tall man who went to stand by the massive ropes that were holding the balloon in place. The basket was hovering already and was almost higher than my head.

"Um, Jasper? I can't get up," my voice was a little shaky. Jasper had put a halt on the emotional manipulation apparently.

He just laughed and put his hands around my waste lifting me up a little, "Ok, hold the edge of the basket and I'm going to lift you the rest of the way. Then swing your leg over, got it?"

"Uh, sure."

Jasper moved one hand off my waste and slid it down onto my thigh. Tingles shot through me when he touched my naked thighs and his other hand shifted to rest under my buttocks and pushed me up further like I was sitting on a seat. I hooked one leg over the edge of the basket and tried to follow with my other leg, losing my shoe in the process. My skirt blew up thanks to the wind and I prayed to God Jasper didn't get a glimpse of my underwear. I just sort of tumbled on the bottom of the basket and felt it shake a little under my movement. It wasn't graceful by any means and I cursed Alice for telling me to wear this sundress. Although I had to admit quietly while I waited for Jasper to climb in the basket, how good it felt to have his icy hands on my bare thighs.

I sat on the floor of the basket and waited, "Jasper?"

"Y-yeah, just a second."

His voice was shaky and breathy like he was nervous or had just run a long distance.

Finally he pushed himself up into the basket with me, not rocking it at all.

"Uh, here's your shoe."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just had to wait for the guys to look away before I jumped up here."

"Oh…" I slid my shoe on and took Jasper's extended hand, helping me up.

I saw Jasper nod towards the guys who were standing near the massive ropes. They undid them and the balloon took off.

The engine thing above me was loud but it didn't bother me. I was totally mesmerised by the disappearing land. We were barely a few feet high before I was stunned, and climbing higher only increased my awe.

I moved toward the side and placed my hands on the edge of the basket starring out over Washington State.

"It's incredible," I breathed. It was barely a whisper.

The land had never looked so breathtaking. It was green and luscious and the patterns of the landscape looked like some weave of purposeful artwork.

Minutes passed and I just gazed as we reached the peak level. We were so high up but I wasn't scared in the slightest. Jasper was with me and I knew he would take care of me.

"Jasper?"

His hands slid on either side of mine on the edge of the basket and his head rested on my shoulder from behind. I could see his blonde hair in my peripherals.

"It never ceases to amaze me. This view."

"How many times have you done this?"

"Not many, just a few. It's my first time in Washington but the landscape certainly rivals that of country Europe."

"Wow."

We stayed like that for a while, just staring out over the scene. I could sometimes see the silver minivan trailing us, ready to meet us when we landed. Jasper would occasionally nuzzle his head lightly into my neck, or rub his thumbs on the backs of my hands. Each time he did I felt the tingles and the shivers. He must've known that.

I would've been embarrassed, but he clearly didn't have a problem with it. So I decided neither did I; he was just being affectionate. We didn't say much during the majestical balloon ride, passing over beauties such as Lake Washington and the Sammamish Valley. It was all too much to take in. And Jasper was right; it was like flying. The light breeze on my bare neck felt so pleasant in combination with his cool skin and the light material of my dress felt like it was barely there.

I did sometimes wonder what would happen if the sun came out and whether we'd have to float up here till nightfall. Not that I would have minded; it was magical.

We'd been floating around for a while when the wind really picked up, blowing right into me. I made to push myself off the edge of the basket and move to the other side but my back was met with the barrier of Jasper's front, now gently pressing into me. He must've felt me pushing against his hips with my backside, but he refused to budge and instead lightly pressed my own hips into the side of the basket. I heard myself draw in a deep breath to which Jasper responded by pressing his hips a little harder into my ass. I closed my eyes and let the wind whip my face, feeling Jasper nuzzle his head into my neck again. I wanted so badly for him to turn his head and kiss my neck deeply. I couldn't help myself; I was getting really worked up. Jasper knew it too, I was certain. Because we didn't change positions for the rest of the balloon ride and whenever I would finally get used to him being so close to me, he would push himself closer into my back, starting up the whole internal frenzy again.

I didn't know what else to do other than enjoy the attention. I wasn't sure whether I truly felt this good or Jasper was refusing to let me feel freaked out or guilty. I honestly didn't care though. All I cared about was that I could feel my underwear getting wet and that I wanted nothing more than for Jasper to find out just how wet they were.

I couldn't though. This, well… this was just innocent fun. Jasper was probably just trying to repay the favour again and thought this would be a good way to do it. If that's what he was doing, then he certainly wasn't wrong. I'd never had this kind of contact with any man before, not even Edward. It was so pleasurable to have someone else stimulating me, even as innocently as this slight hip grinding was.

My only disappointment was that I couldn't feel Jasper. I'd waited almost nineteen years to feel a man erect and it still didn't seem as if that would happen. I tried not to be greedy though, and just enjoy the feeling of Jasper being there, showing me this kind of affection that I'd been so foreign to before.

Our moment was interrupted by the sound of a walkie talkie voice, similar to that of the athletic man, announce that we needed to get down, and that our time was up.

Jasper lifted his head off my shoulder and pushed off the edge of the basket, "Sure thing…"

He then spoke into the walkie talkie about potential landing points and I tuned out to think.

That was amazing.

I didn't know that such small contact could do that to me, could feel so good. My heart was beating a little too fast and I breathed deep to slow it down. I also tried to slow down some of my other organs but my thighs rubbed together instead. That would take some time to slow down, I guessed.

I took the time to think rationally about the fact I had just been sexually aroused by Jasper, Alice's ex-husband, before I broke down into tears like I knew I would once Jasper and his ability went away.

Jesus.

It wasn't that I was surprised that I got turned on so easily by Jasper; he was funny, sweet and very attractive. I was surprised that he initiated it so casually and that I went along with it so willingly. What would Alice say? What had Alice seen? Has she seen this?

Oh, God.

And what did Jasper think? Did he think I was a bad person for doing that to Alice? Was she even on his mind? I hoped she wasn't… that would've really bugged me.

I couldn't even enjoy the landing part of the balloon ride because my mind was thinking of so many things. Jasper, who I refused to look at as he fiddled around with things that moved us steadily lower, obviously had a good hold over my emotions as I still wasn't frantic or upset.

We got lower to the ground heading for a field that was apparently going to act as our landing strip. The walkie talkie voices still kept announcing instructions to Jasper, most of which he didn't respond to.

"Hold on, Bella."

I looked around to see he was smiling; not awkward, not worried, and not judgmental.

Just happy and free. The same look I should be wearing more often.

Screw it, I thought. I was entitled to have fun. I had the right to do whatever I wished with whoever I wished. It's not like I actually slept with Jasper; they were just feelings. Perfectly normal feelings that I hadn't even initiated. Besides, Alice was the one who called it off with Jasper. And she would have seen something like that and she didn't say anything. So, not my problem.

I heard Jasper laugh behind me as we headed faster toward the ground. He could probably feel my strange surge of conviction. Or maybe he _was _my strong sense of conviction? It was so hard to tell what feelings were truly mine around Jasper.

I savoured the last part of the view as it quickly disappeared; the tree tops, the patterns.

I gripped the edge of the basket as we landed as smoothly as I guess we could have, and I felt Jasper leap out of the basket from behind me. I whirled around to see where he'd gone, as I was still descending the last few meters in the basket alone. I felt a jolt as the basket hit the ground all too suddenly.

Jasper was holding the entire hot air balloon to the ground by himself.

"Jasper what are you doing? Those guys will see you!"

Jasper's head poked up over the edge of the basket, "Relax, Bella. I told them I'd be landing it myself."

"What? Jasper, then they'll know you're not human?"

"So? They aren't going to tell anybody what they saw. They aren't even meant to be renting the balloon without a full team to assist with the landing."

I stared at him astounded as I heard the van driving across the field we were situated in.

"Wow, you weren't kidding."

The men didn't even seem fazed by Jasper's inhuman strength.

"Please hurry and disassemble the balloon. My arms are getting tired…"

I giggled to myself as the men went about reattaching the same ropes as before.

"If you want to go and wait in the van while we take all this down, we'll drive you's back after we're done."

"Certainly," Jasper let go of the basket now that it was secured without his help, "coming, Bella?"

I sat on the edge of the basket and carefully hung both my legs over the edge. Jasper grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up, setting me on the ground in front of me.

When he let go of me I felt a sudden longing, wishing to feel his skin on mine again.

He took my hand as soon as I'd felt it and I smiled to myself, squeezing his huge palm.

We walked over to the van and he opened the back doors.

"After you," Jasper smiled at me as I stepped into the back of the van, taking a seat on the carpeted floor.

"You'd think these guys would bother installing a chair or something back here."

"This isn't their business van. This is the one they use for their not-so-official rental customers. So, did you enjoy the balloon ride?"

"Very much so. Some parts more than others…"

"And what parts might they be?"

I looked up at his face to see he had that stupid eyebrow raised again, as I'd expected.

I knew Jasper wanted me to say it. Say it out loud and make it widely known that I had indeed been turned on by him. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction though. That and I was just too scared to hear the words and what the repercussions might be if I did.

So I just leaned into his side and closed my eyes. Jasper put his arm around me like I knew he would and we just sat there, in the back of the dirty, silver van quietly. He rubbed my arm and we sat in a comfortable silence, just relishing the feeling of each other's touch. After a while I actually fell asleep there in the van, as we waited for the men to pack the balloon away.

I'd deal with my feelings later.

Hope you all enjoyed it. To see my inspiration for this chapter:

/watch?v=R6OQFnUrbW8

I'll try to get another chapter up soon.


End file.
